Under Surveillance

I may have been a bit hasty in my condemnation of the government's anti-terror measures as being too intrusive of people's private lives. I've decided that I can put up with the monitoring of my e-mails and web activity, not to mention being constantly observed by CCTV cameras and my car numberplate being tracked. Believe me, it's all worthwhile because what I've just realised is that the government has effectively legitimised stalking and spying on your neighbours. From now onwards, if you get caught peering through that attractive female neighbour's bedroom window whilst she undresses, you can simply claim that you suspected her of being a terrorist and were merely fulfilling your national security obligations as any responsible citizen should. That the government wants us all to become peeping toms is the only conclusion I can draw from its security ads - you know the ones, where they encourage you to go through your neighbours' bins on the grounds that if they're terrorists their wheely bin will be overflowing with empty chemical containers. Indeed, as if being hell-bent on destroying civilisation with home-made bombs wasn't anti-social enough, the bastards can't even be bothered to put those empty plastic containers in the recycling bin!

Of course, I'd like to claim credit for this whole new security initiative - way, way back in Issue 39 (I think, I'm too lazy to check), I wrote a story called Surveillance Creep, in which I proposed that MI5 should enlist the help of neighbourhood busy bodies and curtain twitchers in the fight against terror, partly on the grounds that their idle gossip and tittle-tattle was likely to be just as accurate as any of the so-called 'intelligence' they gather. I eagerly await the Security Service's adoption of my other recommendations - that they employ stalkers and peeping toms to carry out their surveillance operations. After all, not only are they experienced in covertly observing perfectly innocent strangers, they'd also be able to supply their own equipment. Trust me, if they were to implement such a measure, they'd have no shortage of volunteers. Not if the depressing number of search terms involving the phrases 'peeping tom', 'spying on neighbours undressing' and 'nude hidden camera pictures' on Google are anything to go by. So there you are - instead of bemoaning the way the government keeps curbing your civil liberties and freedoms in the name of security, you should be rejoicing in this new freedom to be a pervy voyeur they've inadvertently given us all!