Groping for Freedom

I should be ashamed of myself, I know. I spout all this bollocks about human rights and the like, but do I actually do anything about it? Where, for instance, was I today, during the anti-China protests as the Olympic torch was carried through London? Was I on the route, ready to pounce on the celebrity flame-bearers? No, I was lying in bed, looking out of the window and watching the snow fall. I sincerely regret not being at that protest, especially after seeing the news coverage. If only I'd been there, I too could have had a chance to grope former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq on the pretext of making a pro-democracy protest.

Let's face it, that's what was really going on there, wasn't it? I mean, you didn't see any of those protesters trying to tackle the likes of Olympic rowing gold medallist Steve Redgrave, now did you? Of course not! So there you have it, some bloke gets to cop a feel of Konnie Huq, and become some kind of hero to the protest movement to boot, whilst I'm left to rue how my laziness led me to miss the opportunity to indulge in some quality celebrity groping. That'll teach me not to be so bloody passive in future! Up the revolution - and some celebrity skirts!