Monkey Business

You know, I've been thinking a lot about that post I made at the weekend - the one about the 1976 remake of King Kong. In particular, I've been giving a lot of thought to the idea I floated of dressing up as an ape and trashing a scale model of my home town - just for therapeutic value, you understand. Well, I decided that maybe I should give this therapy, or a version of it, at least, at try. So, here I am in my gorilla suit:

Pretty realistic, eh? OK, so probably less convincing than the one in King Kong (but not by much), but certainly far more effective than the ones in the likes of Konga or The Mighty Gorga. Now, I just don't have the time, money or patience to actually construct a large scale model of even part of the town where I live. So, after some thought (and a few pints) I had a brainwave. Through the medium of imaging software, I decided to try and combine myself as an ape with some pictures of buildings and places which have caused me a certain degree of frustration. First up is me attacking some of the grey office blocks in my town (I work in one of them, but I'm not saying which one).

I think you'll agree that the result is most impressive! You'll notice that I've even got that typical 1970s monster movie 'halo' around me (caused by the blue-screen process they used for travelling matte shots). From a personal point of view, the feeling of power that picture gives me is amazing! OK, I know it is only an image, but Hell, I'm threatening to destroy building housing hated accountants, solicitors and the like! I can just imagine them all looking out of their office windows and shitting themselves at the sight of a giant gorilla advancing toward them with only one thing on its mind - destruction!

Now, I asked myself, what could I create which could top that? Well, the answer was simple really - me as a giant ape menacing my former workplace, Old War Office Building in London! If there was one building I'd truly love to destroy, the OWOB, as it is known, would be it. The closest I've ever got in real life was when I spat on it after a bad experience inside. The number of traumas I suffered in that place! The organisation I worked for there was a heap of shit, managed by hypocritical egomaniacs and largely staffed by spineless yes-men. By and large (in my time at least) promotion seemed to be based on patronage rather than ability and the main motivating force behind senior management decision-making was self-aggrandisement and empire building. Again, that picture gave me such a rush when I completed it. Looking at it still gives me a thrill! The thought of those bastards all cowering under their desks as the windows shatter in response to my roaring is truly wonderful! How I love to imagine smashing down the walls and terrorising various old adversaries with my huge hairy ape hands!

Yes folks, this is therapy I can really recommend! In fact, I'm planning to take it a stage further, and I'm currently searching the web for pictures of my various past tormentors, in order to present a new series of pictures featuring them being crushed under the feet of giant ape me! Watch this space!