Croc Hunter Felled by Fish

Well, I was all ready to come blasting back from holiday with a bucketful of misanthropic bile when I found myself blown off course by a bizarre headline: 'Crocodile Hunter Killed by Fish'. This immediately conjured up visions of Steve Irwin being felled a fatal blow by a fish wielding maniac. At last, I thought, vindication for my campaign to have fish sales restricted and a fish amnesty introduced (see Battered). It is a sad fact that the media and authorities only get behind safety campaigns like this when somebody high profile dies. Of course, I was somewhat surprised when I learned that the fish involved in this antipodean fatality was a stingray - frankly, I 'd have thought something like a Congor eel would have been a more likely weapon. The eel's length means that the assailant can keep their distance, whilst ensuring that a large area of the victim's body is exposed to the fish slapping, whereas a ray of any type, due to its width and relative thinness, is unlikely to be able to produce a 'killer' blow, no matter how strongly it is swung. Mind you, I suppose that's why everyone is saying how unusual it is for anyone to be killed by a stingray. Mind you, I still haven't seen any news on the identity of the fish slapper - was it a disgruntled ex-employee, or an animal lover sick of seeing Irwin cruelly man handle and poke dumb creatures for the benefit of TV, his ego and bank balance (but not necessarily in that order)?

OK, I know I'm a sick bastard. But the fact is, whilst agreeing that the demise of Steve Irwin is a terrible tragedy (particularly for his wife and children), I still think that he was a twat. I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into all this crap about what a great naturalist he was and the great contribution he made to conservation. He was a great self-publicist who used the conservation angle to indulge in a load of Australian macho bullshit. Neither David Attenborough or David Bellamy ever found it necessary to wrestle with crocodiles or poke deadly snakes with a stick so as to get their message across (which they did far more effectively than Irwin). At the end of the day, if you go around doing this kind of thing, you've got to accept there's astrong chance you'll end up dead. For my own part, I make it a point never to provoke anything which might kill me. Irwin should have followed suit.