They're Stealing Our Sheds...

Have you got a garden shed?  Well, look out, because the Labour government is planning to house asylum seekers who have arrived in the UK on small boats in your garden shed.  That's right.  Not satisfied with housing them in luxury hotels and mansions, they are now going to start co-opting the nation's garden sheds, because they are letting so many of the buggers into the country.  But that won't be the end of it - first your garden shed, next your airing cupboard, your attic space, before you know it, they'll be housing them under your bed.  Where is it all going to end?  If we don't look out, then Starmer will be forcing you to move into your shed and housing the migrants in your house!  They'll be sleeping in your bed, using your bathroom, cooking their unspeakable foreign food in your kitchen and running up your heating and electricity bills while you shiver in that leaky shed.  We'll be forced into exile in our own country!  Even worse, they'll be allowed to have sex with your wife, daughters, sisters, any British woman, in fact, whether they like it or not, because that's part of their culture and woke human rights says that stopping the immigrants from doing that would be racist and therefore illegal.  What next?  Will we have to tolerate them performing human sacrifices in the street for fear of infringing their religious sensitivities?  What if their culture involves eating our pets?  It was bad enough when those bloody Eastern Europeans were slaughtering swans in duck ponds all over Britain and spit-roasting them in our parks - now it's our cats, dogs and hamsters under threat!  It's madness, sheer madness!  If only Reform UK was in power and Nigel Farage prime minister - then we'd see a proper crackdown on these heather bastards stealing our sheds, homes and women!

I'm pretty sure that all of this is going to comprise the headlines of the Mail, Express and Telegraph any day soon.  It's the only logical place for their increasingly hysterical anti-government, anti-immigrant screaming front pages to go.  Not a day goes by that I don't see one of these rags making some outrageous claim about the government housing asylum seekers in luxury penthouses in Chelsea, or handing them all hundreds of thousands of pounds in cash upon arrival on the beach at Dover.  The outright racism is naked and unabashed in these headlines.  It would be laughable if this grotesque bile wasn't fuelling bands of bigots to go around 'protesting' outside of hotels accommodating asylum seekers:  'We don't want them here - won't someone think of our children?'  The actual reasons for the protests always remain vague, despite the 'protestors' having worked themselves up into apoplectic levels of rage.  But, of course, that's the point of these campaigns of misinformation, whether in print or on social media - to so flood the public sphere with outright lies and half-truths designed to provoke anger, that rational discourse on the issue becomes impossible.  Those behind the headlines obviously hope that they can harness this anger to their advantage and - in the case of the likes of Farage - ride it to electoral success.  But the trouble with mobs is that, once set in motion, they inevitably become impossible to control, instead thrashing around wildly, striking out at friend and foe alike.  All they know is that they are angry about, well, something and someone, anyone, has to pay for whatever it is making them angry.  But remember, when you next go out to your shed and find it full of immigrants, well, you heard it here first.