Irish Relief

St Patrick's Day and Comic Relief on the same day?  A truly nightmarish scenario.  As someone of Irish descent, (recent enough that I'm eligible for an Irish passport), I hate St Patrick's day with its perpetuation of lazy cultural stereotypes.  Not only that, but it seems to be celebrated (in the UK, at least), mainly by English people with highly dubious claims as to Irish ancestry, (having watched every episode of Father Ted and Mrs Brown's Boys doesn't count).  This is presumably because England's own patron saint, St George, is so bloody dull and his saint's day has been hijacked by red-faced nationalists draping themselves in the English flag and shouting 'Send 'em back!'  Consequently, the only way the English can have fun on a saint's day is by hi-jacking someone else's.  As someone who actually does boast genuine Irish ancestry, I've never felt the urge to wear a silly hat and drink green beer every March 17 because, well, despite that heritage, I'm not Irish.  Which is why all those 'Irish Americans' who like to parade through Boston every St Patrick's day and reminisce about how the English are bastards for causing the Irish potato famine etc, have always mystified me.  Not only are they so far removed from any actual Irish origins as to make them meaningless, but most of them have never been to Ireland in their lives, (having watched The Quiet Man and Leprechaun every St Patrick's Day since the age of five doesn't count).

Then there's Comic Relief, that annual orgy of millionaire entertainers salving their consciences by spending an evening urging ordinary people to part with their money, (all for charity, of course), in return for them being good enough to give up their time and perform some crap sketches and routines for free.  It's not that I don't think that the causes being supported are unworthy, but I can't help but feel that these celebrities actually giving up a proportion of their own money as contributions would represent a more effective form of fund raising.  Otherwise, it's all so patronising - 'Look, we're giving up our valuable time - for free - so the least you can do is reach into your pockets and give up your hard earned cash.  Yeah, we know that times are hard, energy prices and food prices are practically unaffordable for many, but its for charity, for God's sake, you tight-fisted bastards!'   To be fair, it isn't just Comic Relief I feel this way about - I find all of these celebrity-led charity events equally dubious.  Maybe a lot of those involved are sincere about what they are doing, but the cynic in me can't help but suspect that, for many, it is just another ego-trip, a performance to show us plebs how wonderful they are, rather than simply being the vacuous exhibitionists many of us suspect them of actually being.  Still, I don't know what I'm complaining about as the reality is that, thanks to them being on the same day this year, I've managed to avoid both St Patrick's Day and Comic Relief at once.