Come the Revolution, Brothers and Sisters...

What we need is to hold a lottery.  After the revolution, that is, when we can finally start holding these right-wing bastards to account.  Because, while we could simply put them all up against a wall and shoot them, I just don't feel that would give us any real sense of satisfaction.  Not with regard to the likes of Boris Johnson, at least.  So, what we need to do is hold a lottery among every UK adult in order to select maybe fifty people, all of whom will get the chance to kick the fat bastard in the arse.  Just the one kick, that's all that each winner will be allowed, so they'll have to make it a good one - if they want to take a run up, that's OK, but it will still just be the one kick apiece. If they like, they could imagine they were taking a penalty kick for England, which will win the World Cup if it goes in.   But one should be all you need, if you put all of the hate you feel for the morally degenerate, utterly corrupt, contemptuous hypocrite.  Obviously, we'll need at least fifty kickers to ensure that he feels any of it through those fat wobbling buttocks of his.  You can tell that I've thought a lot about this, how best to deal with the unspeakable slob when we finally have a chance at retribution.  I considered that perhaps we should draw lots to see who should hit him in the face with a shovel, or smack him around the back of the head with a plank, but the kicking up the arse just seemed the most fitting way to deal with someone who is, well, such an arse.

Of course, we'd have to make a ceremony of it - put Boris in stocks in the middle of Whitehall and have it televised live as the chosen kickers make their run up.  As he'll have his back to them and will be unable to look round because of the stocks, he won't know when each kick is going to land.  But Johnson won't be the only 'war criminal' we'll have to deal with post-revolution.  Personally, while Johnson is taking his kicking, Live on TV, I'd like to see a few of them swinging from lampposts in the background.  I mean, that Michael Gove, he fancies himself a bit of a disco diva, so let's see what kind of merry little jig he dances at the end of a rope.  Then there's 'true blue' Jacob Rees Mogg - let's see just how blue he can go as the noose tightens around his neck.  But it isn't just this lot currently in government we need to hold to account - let's not forget that smug bastard David Cameron and his part in austerity and Brexit.  Again, we need to draw lots or hold a lottery to chose thirty or so people and give them each a baseball bat, then make Cameron run a gauntlet of them - each of them would be allowed one good swing at the arsehole.  I'd imagine that a lot of these creeps will try to flee the country in disguise, like the top Nazis did at the end of the war.  Nigel Farage, for sure, will be caught at Dover, wearing a false moustache and waving his German passport, claiming to be Kurt Crutchwarmer or some such.  In his case, we should just put him up against a wall for summary execution - it is what he'd want, as he doesn't seem to believe in any of that human rights nonsense and thinks the courts are undemocratic.  At the last minute, he should be told that the firing squad have run out of bullets, so they'll have to fix bayonets, instead.

Mind you, before we can do any of this, we'll have to have that revolution, but a man can dream.  Obviously, I'm too old to be fermenting revolutions myself, but I'll hold your coats while you storm Tory Party HQ...