Blue Energy

One of the more bizarre sights from the COP26 meetings in Glasgow has been the sight of the police 'arresting' and taking into custody a giant inflatable Loch Ness Monster, lest its presence frighten or upset delegates.  This came hard on the heels of the self same police preventing people from returning to their homes in order to 'secure' a nearby dinner for delegates.  Carers couldn't get to their clients and some people were denied medication which they had in their houses as they were effectively locked out.  It left me thinking that if only we could somehow harness the energy exerted by the police in making fools of themselves and abusing their authority, we could go some way to solving the climate crisis.  Just imagine the electricity we could generate if only we could attach some sort of generator to the arms of police officers as they beat protestors and the like with their batons - and it would all be green as no fossil fuels would be involved.  I mean, it must be possible - they're developing devices that can generate power from the movements of waves at sea, after all.  Something similar, surely, could be adapted for the human body?

Not just for policemen, either.  Tory MPs would surely be another good source of green, or in their case, blue, electricity.  On the one hand, all the adulterous behaviour they get up to, not to mention the alleged rapes and sexual assaults, could be a valuable source of power.  Just hook them up to all that shagging motion is converted into energy - damn it Johnson's fat buttocks alone must look like the Atlantic Ocean in a storm when the fat shagger gets at it.  If They don't even have to generate electricity directly - just hook up the arms of their dominatrices so that when they whip them they are keeping the lights on in Camden.  (Actually, you could also use the MPs' quivering buttocks as they are struck with whips, riding crops, canes and the like to simultaneously generate wave energy).  On the other hand, of course, we might also try harnessing their corruption - that motion with the right arm as they stuff the brown envelopes stuffed full of used banknotes into their inside pockets as they take their regular backhanders from Russian oligarchs and multimationals, could be a powerful source of energy generation.  (No doubt this method could also be used on the police).  So there you have it - a perfect solution to the climate crisis which also gives the Tories an excuse not to clean up their act, instead justifying their sexual misconduct and corruption on the grounds that it is saving the planet.