Starcrash (1978)

Starcrash is a very different kettle of fish to the other Italian Star Wars cash in, The Humanoid.  Whereas the latter tried to replicate several sequences from its model, Starcrash is only thematically linked to Star Wars, in that both are space operas.  While it might feature anthropomorphic robots, a space emperor, battling space ships, a planet-sized super weapon, mystical powers and a final desperate attack on the villain's space-borne stronghold, it deploys these elements very differently to Star Wars.  For one thing, it dispenses with any equivalent to the Luke Skywalker character, an apparent innocent thrust into the middle of a galaxy-spanning conflict.  Instead, it takes as its protagonists the equivalents of Han Solo: a pair of intergalactic smugglers, Stella Star and Akton (Caroline Munro and Marjoe Gortner respectively), who are effectively press-ganged into carrying out a dangerous mission for the Empire.  Except that here the Empire are the good guys, ranged against an evil rebel alliance led by Count Zarth Arn (Joe Spinnell), who is hell bent on overthrowing the peace-loving and benevolent Emperor (Christopher Plummer).  The air of familiarity that The Humanoid aspires to, in order to draw in post-Star Wars audiences, is entirely dispensed with by Starcrash, which instead simply plays upon its thematic similarity to the blockbuster to bring in the viewers.

Director 'Lewis Coates' (actually Italian schlock veteran Luigi Cozzi) and his production team don't even attempt to replicate the look of Star Wars in any way, instead opting for a more 'retro' look for the designs of its space ships, costumes and interiors.  While The Humanoid seemed to take inspiration for its plot structure from inter-war Dr Mabuse films, Edgar Wallace thrillers and sixties Eurospy movies, Starcrash seems to derive its inspiration from cinema serials like Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers.  Although Star Wars itself might have claimed inspiration from these same sources, it opted for a more 'realistic' look in terms of production design: by contrast, Starcrash's whole design, from spaceships to sets could have stepped right out of one of those serials.  Even the special effects have more in common with the clunky model rocket ships on wires and a robot that looks like a guy with a bucket on his head, than they have with Star Wars' sophisticated photographic effects, computer controlled model work and elaborate mechanical props.  Indeed, even more so than Star Wars, Starcrash's narrative is highly episodic, moving its protagonists from one perilous location to another as their quest progresses.  Perhaps the film that Starcrash most resembles is Roger Vadim's Barbarella (1968) - also shot in Italian studios - and not just because of its empowered female protagonist and her various bizarre costumes.  Stella Star's various encounters with different, inevitably hostile, cultures are reminiscent of Barbarella's odyssey in pursuit of Durand Durand.  But it is more than just plot similarities, it is the whole slightly psychedelic feel of the action, with everything taking on a somewhat surreal air.  Even Starcrash's depiction of interstellar space - all multi coloured stars and planets - feels like it has come from the 'swinging sixties'.

In terms of plot, Starcrash is quite straightforward, opening with the destruction of an Imperial starship by a mysterious weapon.  After being captured and imprisoned, Stella Star and Akton are released by the Emperor for a mission to locate the source of the weapon.  To do this, they have to locate two escape pods known to have been launched by the doomed starship.  To ensure that they don't simply skip out on the mission, the two smugglers are accompanied by space cop Thor and robot cop Elle.  Their quest takes them to the planet of the Amazons, who turn out to be allies of  Zarth Arn, an ice planet, where Thor is revealed as a traitor and is killed by Akton and finally a planet inhabited by cavemen.  This turns out to be the location of Zarth Arn's super-weapon and the last survivor of the starship: the Emperor's son Simon (David Hasslehoff).  Zarth Arn inevitably turns up to declare that he has lured them all there as bait for the Emperor - he has set his super weapon to self destruct when the Emperor and his flagship arrive.  (Quite why he simply doesn't use the weapon to destroy his enemies is unclear, but by this point it seems obvious that the film's makers were just making it up as they went along).  Needless to say, these plans are foiled - Akton displays his mystic powers to destroy the robots guarding the with his laser sword, being wounded in the process and mysterious vanishing before he expires.  The Emperor arrives and uses his hitherto unmentioned power to stop time for long enough to escape the planet before it explodes.  The Imperial forces then launch a surprise attack on Zarth Arn's space station and a desperate battle follows.

All of which sounds pretty straightforward, but the true joy of the film lies in the way in which it is executed, with developments becoming ever more lunatic and new elements being introduced without warning to resolve situations, be it Akron's mystical powers or the Emperor's ability to stop time.  These things come completely from left field - we are only told, for instance, that Akton is an alien and has some mysterious powers about half way into the film, when he has to survive a murderous attack from Thor - he resurrects himself - and turn the tables: his body is impervious to laser beams, in fact, he can bounce them back at his assailant.  Oh, and he can see the future, so knows how it will all turn out.  As for that light sabre, or whatever it is, that just comes out of nowhere.  The film's climax also relies upon on one of these left-field interventions.  When everything else has failed and Zarth Arn looks to be on the verge of victory (threatening to deploy yet another 'Dom Weapon'), the Emperor tells Simon that there is only one hope: the Starcrash.  Which involves crashing another huge space station, the Floating City, into Zarth Arn's space station.  No previous mention, obviously, has been made of 'Starcrashes' or Floating Cities. To be fair, though, even before this development, the final battle has been joyfully insane, with Imperial space ships firing torpedoes through the windows (!) of Zarth Arn's space fortress where, instead of exploding, doors spring open in their sides to disgorge ray gun firing soldiers.  (Exactly why both they and the fortress' defenders aren't sucked out into the vacuum of space through those broken windows is never explained). 

While the insane script makes Starcrash a joy to watch, it is the performances which raise it to a higher level of schlock genius.Pretty much from the outset, it seems clear that none of the principals are approaching the project with any degree of sincerity.  Caroline Munro is as beautiful and alluring is ever, (even sporting a black plastic bikini while in space prison), but is hampered by having been dubbed with an American accent which robs her performance of any subtlety, while Hasselhoff gives the impression that he can't believe that he's involved in this lunacy.  (He later described Starcrash as the worst film he'd ever made - which is quite something coming from someone whose cinematic CV includes Piranha 3D).  Marjoe Gortner's expression as he literally fades away in his final scene seems to say 'Hell, I managed to escape with half an hour to go and I still got top billing'.  Christopher Plummer's performance as the Emperor seems to consist mainly of staring into the middle distance with a slightly pained look on his face, as if hoping that it is all going to end soon.  Best of all, though, is Joe Spinnel, who gives a truly crazed performance as Zarth Arn - he's so villainous that at any moment you expect him to start twirling his moustache.  The highlight of his performance comes during the final battle as he strides up and down a gantry, shouting 'Kill!  Kill!" to his troops as the Imperial torpedo troops smash through his windows.  It's really quite brilliant.

All-in-all, Starcrash is a hugely enjoyable film.  Not, perhaps, in the way its makers originally intended, but that doesn't matter - it's good fun.  (AIP were originally due to distribute it in the US, but passed after seeing it - New World instead stepped in and ended up doing very well out of it).  It's less a knock off of Star Wars than a homage to the kind of films that inspired Star Wars.  In terms of production values, Starcrash is actually pretty good, in a pulpy sort of way.  The effects work and miniatures might well be somewhat clunky in comparison with the US product, but they have an undoubted charm, recalling the heyday of Gerry Anderson's 'Supermarionation' productions.  They also include some rather jerky stop motion animation effects, notably a blatant rip off of Jason and the Argonauts, when Stella Star and Elle are chased down a beach by a giant metal automaton.  Starcrash also features a pretty decent score by John Barry - not his best, but on a par with some of his lesser Bond scores.  Ultimately, the film is pure, unadulterated lunacy, (so lunatic, in fact, that when Pluto TV recently tried to screen it on their Sci Fi Movies channel, it ended in chaos, with scenes playing in a random order, occasionally repeating, before suddenly jumping back to an earlier point in the film - in the end they just gave up).  Really, though, if you haven't seen Starcrash, go and watch it - you won't be disappointed.