Schlockalypse Now

Well, once more my awesome powers of prediction have been confirmed.  Wasn't I saying just a couple of weeks ago that the next focus of mindless hatred in the UK would be he Chinese community, on account of the coronavirus outbreak?  Sure enough, there have now been newspaper reports of Chinese people being abused in the street over the issue.  I do so hate being proven right over this sort of thing.  It really is depressing.  So depressing that it makes me want to retreat further away from the current harsh reality we seem to be living through.  So it is just as well that I installed that Roku box on my TV on Friday.  It has unleashed a veritable tsunami of shit into my living room.  I've spent the weekend watching all manner of pop culture crap, from classic Japanese alien invasion movie The Mysterians to a typically rickety Bert I Gordon horror movie, Tormented.  Right now I'm watching Hercules and the Princess of Troy, a failed 1965 TV pilot which tried to turn the Italian peplum format into a weekly TV series.  Along the way I've taken in episodes of old TV shows like Hunter, Wiseguy and Renegade.  You know, they are, surprisingly, quite good.  I even found time for a double bill of Battle Beyond the Stars and Space Raiders - the latter, of course, being built around the special effects sequences of the former, (not mention borrowing its musical score).

But while most of the free channels you can access via a Roku box are content merely to offer old movies on demand or stream old TV series, some try to do something a little different.  B-Movie TV, for instance, which serves up a daily schedule of schlocky and sleazy old films and ancient TV shows, many of them presented by enthusiastic hosts/fans.  The prints they use are just about the scratchiest and roughest I've ever seen, but the choice of subject matter eclectic, encompassing, so far, martial arts pictures, Italian action films, sex comedies and Shannon Tweed movies.  It actually gets weirder - I tuned in after midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning to find myself confronted by 'Pervy the Clown'.  A man dressed as a clown was dancing to loud music and making lewd gestures whilst a topless woman was tied to a chair.  Apparently, this goes on for two hours.  When I see things like this, I realise that the 'End Times' are truly upon us.  And I welcome them.  It is becoming increasingly obvious that we need some kind of apocalyptic event to sweep away the sheer shittyness of modernity.  But really, if you love schlock like I do, you really must experience B-Movie TV and its ilk - it is what streaming TV was made for.