Monday, September 11, 2017

The Dutch Reach Around

It seems that, as a car driver, I'm being a bastard to those saintly cyclists again.  Apparently, just opening the door of my car to get out poses life-threatening danger to people on push bikes.  Believing that they don't actually have to pay attention to the road, the two wheeled paragons of virtue frequently collide with the doors opened by us thoughtless drivers.  As you can doubtless tell, I have little sympathy for cyclists.  Don't misunderstand me - they might be a bloody nuisance on the road, frequently holding up traffic, blatantly ignoring the rules of the road when it suits them and generally getting in everyone's way, but, unlike a lot of other motorists, I don't want to maim or kill them.  My biggest issue with the self righteous bastards lies in my experiences as a pedestrian, having to dodge them while walking on the pavement, or nearly getting run over by them whilst crossing the road, as they don't pay attention to what's ahead of them.  Indeed, not so very long ago, I was nearly run down by a cyclist riding on the pavement without lights, fluorescent clothing or even a bell - ironically, I'd just crossed the road safely and was mounting the kerb when the irresponsible arsehole nearly collided with me.

But to get back to the original point - the inability of cyclists to avoid open car doors - something 'has to be done' the BBC's website was telling me earlier today.  Now, I would have thought the easiest solution would have been legislation to force drivers to have their car doors welded permanently shut, forcing them to climb in and out of their cars through the windows, Dukes of Hazzard style.  But no, instead it is proposed that we delinquent drivers should learn to use the 'Dutch Reach' when opening car doors. Or 'Dutch Reach Around' as I originally read it.  I naturally assumed that it was some kind of technique developed by the Dutch porn industry to better facilitate back seat car passengers pulling off the driver.  Or vice versa, even.  Obviously, I was wrong - it simply has to do with the driver opening the car door from the inside using your left hand instead of your right (in a right hand drive car).  This supposedly means that you open the door more slowly and ensure that it doesn't swing out into the path of cyclists.  Alternatively, you could just check your mirrors before opening the door, except that the bicycling bastards come down the road too fast and too close to parked cars, so that even when you've checked, they appear out of nowhere.  But hey, they're cyclists, so it isn't going to be their fault, is it?



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