Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Day of Decision?

The aftermath of last week's cold lingers - I still feel incredibly tired a lot of the time, I alternate between sweating and shivering and my motivation to do anything is non-existent.  Worst still, I've walked back into a state of chaos at work.  It doesn't help that the weather is relentlessly miserable, into the bargain. I'm beginning to wonder if I wasn't better off last week, too sick to get out of bed.  Indeed, even in the worst depths of my illness, there was a part of me thinking that, no matter how bad I felt, at least I wasn't at work.  Which just goes to show the state of affairs my relationship with work have reached.  I just don't want to be there.  I don't like the organisation I work for, I don't like what I do and I have no respect for the people I work with.  Luckily, the solution isn't far away.  As my building society keeps reminding me, the last of my mortgage comes to an end in a couple of months time.  Which isn't really news, I know.  I've been on about it for the past few years.  But, at last, the moment is almost upon me.  A decision is required as to what I'm going to do once free of my biggest monthly outlay and in full ownership of my home.

I've long speculated that I might, at the very least, reduce my working hours.  But events in the workplace today, which served to emphasise further the utter contempt with which management views its employees, (it didn't involve me directly, but the fall out inevitably will), pretty much tipped the balance, in my mind, to quitting completely.  I know that, arguably, while feeling low in the aftermath of an illness isn't the best time to make major, life-changing decisions, but I've looked at the situation from both emotional and logical perspectives and have come to the same conclusion.  My current work is the primary source of stress in my life right now.  Stress which has, over recent years, had an increasingly detrimental effect upon my health.  It gives me nothing in the way of job satisfaction in compensation.  Continued staff cuts mean that I'm doing more and more work, for no more pay or better conditions.  Indeed, over the past few years, my only 'reward' from management for covering other peoples' jobs is a kick in the teeth.  The truth is that the only thing holding me back from deciding to make the break complete was the usual fear of being left without an income.  But viewed logically, there is little to fear: my home will be my own and I've managed to put myself in a position financially, that I could happily survive for two or three years without working.  THe fact of the matter is that I need to take a break.  Not just a week or two's leave, but a proper break without the sectre of returning to theHell that is work looming over me.  I need time to think.  Sure, there's a fair chance, that come the end of Spring I'll be walking into oblivion, but if I don't take this opportunity to make a break, what's the alternative?  More years of misery until I retire?  I know that I can't take that!

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