Friday, May 06, 2016

Sex and the Mystery Married Celebrity

I've had a traumatic twenty four hours: the BBC's disgraceful coverage of the local elections - which seemed determined to advance the narrative that the results were a disaster for Labour regardless of the facts - had me foaming at the mouth last night.  I ended up having to watch an old Bob Hope movie to calm down before I went to bed.  But I was still sufficiently wound up this afternoon that I shouted 'cunt, cunt, cunt' at the TV when Boris Johnson turned up on the news. Luckily the neighbours were out at the time.  So, to alleviate the tension I thought that I'd ignore politics and instead use this post to speculate on the identity of the 'A list world famous married British actor' who paid a prostitute for sex several years ago and has obtained an injunction to stop the UK press from naming him.  Actually, I know who he is and he really doesn't live up to his billing as an A-lister or 'world famous'.  Obviously, I'm not going to name him here as I don't want to be sued but, if you are interested, you can find out who is for yourselves by looking at US media sites.  Suffice to say that was very disappointed to learn who he actually was.  I was hoping it really would be a heavy weight British thespian. Sir Ian McKellan, for instance,  Now, that would be a story for the tabloids:"'Hetero sex scandal shame as Gandalf's gay life revealed as lie".  Complete with quotes from the man himself, perhaps:  "Can't a man try something different once in a while without being 'outed'?"

Obviously, it isn't Sir Ian McKellan, (to reiterate the point for legal purposes), but surely that's about the only way 'man pays prostitute for sex' could still be considered a news story, let alone shocking?  Unless, of course, it turned out that the celebrity in question was dead: "He's barely cold in his grave, but Prince is already cavorting with prostitutes".  Now, that would be a fine headline for a supermarket tabloid, along with: "Whacko Jacko in posthumous rent boy orgy".  Not that we're talking necrophilia here - it's a well known 'secret' in celebrity circles that certain famous personages are only 'dead' for tax purposes.  It's a loophole exploited by top tax accountants like David Cameron's supposedly dead dad - if you are dead, you aren't liable for income tax.  You just have to make sure that you don't leave any of your fortune to your relatives in order to avoid inheritance tax as well.  But the really shocking thing here is that the rich and famous apparently can no longer rely upon the discretion of the sex workers they use.  Damn it, shouldn't a chap be able to expect lifelong silence when he's paid good money for their services?  That said, in this particular case, where the mystery celebrity allegedly paid her £195 for a session, one has to say that perhaps he shouldn't have been such a cheapskate and instead coughed up for one of those classy sex workers one sees in movies, whose professionalism can be relied upon.  I mean, the girl at the centre of the revelations once went with Wayne Rooney - which is enough, surely, to indicate her lack of standards.

When all's said and done, this latest celebrity super-injunction just goes to underline how lightweight modern celebrities are.  Back in the day, when we had real stars, they would have been going out of their way to make out sure that the entire world knew about their indiscretions - it would enhance their status as 'wicked rogues'.   Mind you, back then their bad behaviour generally involved drunken rampages culminating in indecent exposure.  But you wouldn't have had Oliver Reed, for instance, trying to suppress headlines like "Drunken Ollie Reed gets his cock out in convent rampage."  He'd have been bloody proud of it!

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