Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Power of the Mind

Clearly, my long dormant super powers have finally come to fruition.  After weeks of beaming the thought 'You look like a hairy twat' at the idiot with the abominable hipster beard who keeps parking in my space, I noticed yesterday that he'd shaved it off.  Whether being able to see his face actually constitutes an improvement, I'm not sure, but the point is that my concentrated mental powers forced him to get rid of the unsightly face fungus.  I know that the ability to make people shave doesn't, on the face of it, sound like a particularly impressive super power, but if I can save humanity from those evil hipster beards, then I'll have done the world a massive service. Perhaps, freed of those parasitic masses of tangled, nit-ridden fur, their former wearers will be released from the curse of hipster-dom. Perhaps they will return to being normal, productive members of society, content to just quietly get on with their lives, rather than continually parading around with their ridiculous facial hair and fashion sense, which is clearly screaming 'Look at me!  I'm just so hip, cool and important!'

Of course, the real question is whether I can expand my powers beyond bending the minds of hipsters to shave off their face lace?  After all, once I've rid the world of the hipster curse, I'll need a new challenge.  Perhaps I could develop the ability to mentally 'persuade' BMW drivers to scrap their cars and drive Kias instead.  Or, at the very least, force them to use their indicators at junctions and on roundabouts.  But where can I develop my powers?  Do I need to join the X-Men?  And, if so, how do I contact them?  Does Professor X have a Twitter account or Facebook page?   I think that I'm going to have to develop my own programme for extending my mental super powers.  Maybe I can try focusing my thoughts on dogs and stop them from shitting in the street as practice.  I mean dogs aren't that intelligent and should be pretty simple to influence telepathically.  It wouldn't be too much of a step up from the dogs to making their owners then pick u the animals' shit and rub it into their hair.  From there I could move on to the idiots who text or speak on their mobiles whilst driving and make them throw their phones out of their car windows.  Then shit themselves.  Now, that would definitely be doing humanity a service.



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home