Send 'Em Back!

Send the buggers back!  That's what I say!  It is the only way to stop more horrendous unprovoked attacks like the one the other day.   Where will it end, I ask you?  Some poor pensioner mauled to death in his back garden by an out-of-control dog.  You notice the police aren't revealing what type the dog concerned was - they obviously fear a backlash against the breed.  I'm betting it was a bloody foreign breed - German Shepherd, maybe, or, even worse, a bloody Afghan!  They need to check whether the old boy savaged to death was an ex-soldier.  If he was over eighty, I'd put my money on a German Shepherd - the war, you know.  They've never bloody forgiven us for winning.  Anyway, they should round up all the other German Shepherds and send them back to bloody Germany, where they belong.  They're their dogs, let them deal with the vicious bastards.  Of course, if the victim had been younger, I'd have suspected an Afghan hound - you just can't trust those hairy bastards!  God knows what weaponry they've got lurking under all that fur - probably several pounds of semtex for a suicide bombing mission, I'll wager.  If it had been an Afghan, we'd have to be asking if it had been radicalised at Muslim-run kennel prior to the attack.

Of course, there's always a chance that it wasn't a dog at all.  Can it really be a coincidence that only a few days before, in the next county, a tiger had fatally mauled a keeper at a zoo?  Could it be that the attack was actually staged by the tiger to get hold of the keys to the enclosures and now it letting itself out and wandering around the North West savaging people?  OK, I know there's a question as to motive - unless the pensioner had once been a big game hunter who had massacred the big cat's family back in Bengal, or wherever it came from, back in the day - but that's a minor point.  Actually, it could be some kind of vendetta against dogs - the victim was purely incidental.  The tiger disguised itself as a dog, then savaged some random target to death, leaving some neighbourhood dog to take the blame.  Pure genius!  However, I suspect the police are onto his nefarious schemes - they seem to be taking a lot of interest in the mauling of the zoo keeper, with a full investigation being launched.  Even now, they've probably got that tiger in an interrogation room, shining a light in face and slapping him around.  Serves the murderous bastard right.  They should send the bugger back!