Eurovision Sceptic

The Eurovision Song Contests looms once again and, once again, the UK's strategy is to play the nostalgia card.  After the stunning success of last year's UK entry, ninety-seven year old Engelbert Humperdinck (he came, as I recall, second from last), this time we've decided to go for a more contemporary artist to represent us in Sweden this weekend.  Contemporary, that is, if you still think that eighties music is cutting edge.  I've no doubt that if we'd had Bonnie Tyler representing us back in the eighties, when she was in her prime, she would have done us proud, but by deploying her now, we're clearly signalling that we've given up on ever winning again.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we really must enter some nostalgia act, for God's sake let it be The Hoff.  At least with David Hasselhoff we'd be sure of getting the German vote.

However, as my brother recently pointed out to me, we could have avoided all of recent problems with the Eurovision Song Contest if only we'd selected Tom Jones as our entry back in the seventies.  He's undoubtedly right - if Tom had performed in, say 1974, clad only in his speedos and captain's hat, gold medallion swinging through his chest hair and surrounded by bikini clad young women, not only would he have won, but they would have ended the contest for good then.  They would have known that there is no way you could top Tom in his prime.  The contest could simply never have got better.  But sadly, it never happened and we're still subjected to our annual humiliation at the hands of the rest of Europe.  Frankly, I'm surprised that backbench right wing Tory MPs aren't tabling an amendment to the Queen's speech demanding a referendum on withdrawing from the Eurovision Song Contest.   Maybe that could be a new policy for UKIP?  It would be bound to be a vote winner.