The Evil That Mice Do

Mice are something that people over sentimentalise, always characterising them as cute, harmless little things, always being victimised by heartless cats. Clearly, they've never had to suffer having the bloody things invading their homes. The reality is that they are horrible filthy vermin that shit and piss all over your house, leaving you at risk from all kinds of disgusting illnesses. As you've undoubtedly guessed by now, I've recently been suffering from mouse problems. Actually, over the years I've experienced several rodent invasions - they come up under the house, emerging under the disused gas fire in the living room. From there, they used to get access to the kitchen via a narrow gap between door and frame at the bottom of the kitchen door. Once I got wise to what was going on, I temporarily plugged the gap. However, over the years, the fix fell into disrepair but, with no further mouse incursions, I never got around to repairing it. Then this persistent little bastard turned up, spreading his excrement all over my kitchen.

Having once more blocked his run to the kitchen, I thought he'd bugger off. But no, in dead of night he comes out from under the gas fire and attempts to dig his way under the door, damaging my carpet in the process. Now, having been reasonable, simply cutting off his route rather than poisoning him, I feel pretty aggrieved at the bastard's continued destruction of my property. I'm now seriously considering putting down poison. Of course, as soon as I mention that, people start accusing me of being cruel and heartless, of being a potential mouse murderer. I despair at this attitude. Personally, I blame the pernicious influence of cartoons like Tom and Jerry and Pixie and Dixie, which always showed the mice as victims. I always felt sorry for the cats in those cartoons - always depicted as evil, stupid and cruel, when they were just trying to do their jobs of keeping vermin down. Hell, I like cats better than mice. Not least because cats catch mice. That said, some years ago I had a cat that used to bring live mice into the house, resulting in many a heated (and one-sided) argument between me and her. Anyway, the bottom line is that, like Mr Jinks (the cat in Pixie and Dixie), "I hate meeces to pieces".