Upwardly Mobile

Have you ever been forced to replace something and been left feeling that you've become completely out of touch with technology? I was left feeling that way recently, after I replaced my mobile phone. Have I mentioned that I've got a new phone? I didn't actually have any intention of upgrading my (by modern standards) ancient hand set, but, a few weeks ago it disgraced itself, when a text sent to me by Little Miss Strange on a Saturday, didn't reach me until the following Tuesday, despite the phone having been on in the interim. Actually, before we go any further: did I mention that Little Miss Strange had resurfaced? As you might recall, she was forced to go on the run last year, after friends of that horse she punched out started making threats against her. Anyway, she's managed to sneak back into the country under an assumed identity and a false moustache, and was trying to get her job back as The Sleaze's legal advisor. Now, I'm not saying that I'm scared of a woman who punches horses, but Little Miss Strange wasn't too happy about apparently being ignored, so when she 'suggested' I replace my mobile, I felt it best to comply, (even though I know that the delayed text was probably down to network problems rather than a hardware failure).

So, getting back to the new phone, it seemed shockingly advanced to a man used to a monochrome display. Not only does it have a colour screen, but it takes pictures - not just stills, but video, as well. OK, the quality of these is crap, but nevertheless, it still has novelty value for me. Even more amazingly, it receives FM radio and has web connectivity. I know it's hardly an iPhone, but to me it seems incredible, and makes me wonder what other technological advances I've missed out on due to my miserly refusal to replace applications which still work. It's got me thinking about getting a smart phone. The trouble is that I don't actually use any of these new features. I mean, if I wanted to shoot video, I'd use my camcorder - it records in HD, far outclassing the murky images produced by my phone. As for stills, I suppose there's the fact that it makes it easy to immediately send a picture to someone. That said, so far all I've sent is a picture of Two Ton Toby from the chippie and Techno Barry, (who happened to be in the pub when I was testing it), to Little Miss Strange. She responded by threatening me with a restraining order if I send her any more traumatic images like that. In view of all this, I can't help but feel that a smart phone (no matter how much I like their design and functionality) would be wasted on me, as I'd never use one to its full potential. I guess I just have to accept that, when it comes to phones, I'm stuck in the past.