Red Snow

According to the Chancellor, 'Gorgeous' George Osborne, the weather was responsible for the sharp economic downturn in the last quarter. The bastard! If it isn't Gordon Brown and the last Labour government wrecking the economy, it's the bloody snow! Maybe they're in league? Yes, that must be it - Labour and the bad weather struck a deal during that bout of Arctic weather back in January of last year, that in the event of a Tory victory at the forthcoming General Election, the blizzards would come sweeping back in to destroy the Christmas shopping season. No doubt Brown agreed that, when Labour returned to power, the snow would be allowed to run riot every January, and that no gritting measures would be taken against it. It all makes sense - that freezing weather did originate in Russia, didn't it? Bloody Bolsheviks!

Whatever next will this shambles of a government use as an excuse? A meteorite storm wrecked our education policy? And damn that irregular sun spot activity for undermining our law and order initiatives. I eagerly await Andrew Lansley telling us that his NHS 'reforms' are foundering because of an inauspicious conjunction of Mars and Jupiter in the fifth house of Aries. Let's face it, any of those excuses is about as credible as Osborne's economic policy. Or Gove's education policy. Or Lansley's health policy. Or any of this government's benighted policies. You know we're in trouble when, only a few months in, the government is blaming heavier than expected snowfall for the economic downturn. God help us all!