Hague Convention

Back in the realm of 'truth imitating fiction' today, I got home from some more holiday-related travels this evening to find a report on the news that an aide to William Hague had resigned amid allegations that he had had an 'improper relationship' with the Foreign Secretary. Consequently, Hague was forced to deny he was gay and that his marriage wasn't a sham. Ironically, I once ended up rewriting a story for The Sleaze to remove similar implications about Hague. In fact, many years ago, when Hague was still Tory leader, I did actually run a watered-down version of the story, which was basically a load of innuendo about Hague's then well-publicised interest in martial arts, implying, none too subtly, that it was all homoerotic. Anyway, I got cold feet about the story and never bothered archiving it. Last year I came across it again and decided that some of the gags, and the basic idea of sex-based martial art, still had potential. I did toy with the idea of doing a light rewrite simply to reflect the fact that Hague was by then shadow Foreign Secretary. However, I still had reservations about libelling him with the unproven homosexuality innuendo.

So, I ended up tearing the story apart and re-assembling it as Wild Man of Westminster, with David Cameron as the protagonist and all implications of homosexuality removed. I quite liked the result, although it was met with the usual indifference which seems to greet all political satire stories these days. Now I'm left wondering what I was worried about! It seems that as long as you claim it is 'news', you can repeat just about any tittle-tattle concerning public figures you like. Just as long as you then add that it's 'merely rumour'. Still, I am getting a bit fed up with my stories apparently becoming the basis for real life. How dare they? Whoever 'they' are. It's all a conspiracy, I tell you! Mind you, with this government in power, it seems that nothing I can come up with is any more ludicrous than the policies they devise on a daily basis, let alone the 'scandals'. What next, David Cameron's secret past as a male gigolo? Ken Clarke's career in porn? You really can't rule anything out.