Festival Season

That's 'festival', not 'festive', season. Even I'm not going to start moaning about Christmas in August. Although it definitely does start earlier every year. There was a piece in the news only the other day about how some shop or other in London had already put up its Christmas display - in the middle of bloody summer! But I'm not discussing that today. I feel it only proper to wait until at least September before going on about Christmas. But this is August, and the Edinburgh Festival is almost upon us again. Now, regular readers might recall that last year I floated the idea of some kind of Sleaze-themed event for the fringe. Well, I'm happy to announce that, for two nights only, I'll be presenting my one man show - 'I Was a Sex Pest From Outer Space' - at a top fringe venue. Yes indeed, on 19 and 20 August I'll be appearing above the lounge bar of the 'Lamb and Shank', on the corner of Cock Lane and Cupid's Alley in Edinburgh. It kicks off at nine-thirty each night, admission five pounds, (two pounds fifty for pensioners), payable at the door.

So, I'll expect to see you all there for a fantastic evening of fun and frolics. Or perhaps not. You'll be amazed the number of people who believe me when I tell them that I'm going to spend my Summer holiday later this month performing at the Fringe. Perhaps that could be the basis for a future one man show? I could make like Dave Gorman, and spend an hour boring people rigid with a Power Point presentation about how many people I deceived into believing I was appearing at the Fringe - the punch line being that I am performing a one man show in Edinburgh, like, right now! But those suckers I 'fooled' are still the butt of the joke because this is a different show than the one they thought I'd do! A double dumb ass on them! Anyway, getting back to the point, the truth is that I've never been to Edinburgh in my life, for the festival or anything else. One day I really must visit the fringe - as a spectator, not a performer. In the meantime, I'll just continue with what I'm now going to claim is a piece of performance art, and just pretend to be performing a one man show there.