Monday, March 01, 2010

Dead Fashionable

"It's absolute fashion genius," squeals fashion designer Rob Boong-Moll, as he prepares his controversial new collection for Scunthorpe Fashion Week. "To be found hanging in a wardrobe, amongst your latest creations - it's so chic!" The twenty-six year old is claiming recently deceased fashion guru Alexander McQueen's suicide as the inspiration for his new collection. "Trust me - nooses are going to be the next big thing in neck ware," he declares. "They're just so versatile - you can have them in any colour and a whole variety of materials from rough hemp to silk!" Indeed, Boong-Moll's new show will feature cadaverous models in blue face make up emerging from a coffin, before gliding down the cat walk. In addition to nooses, the models will be sporting outfits inspired by burial shrouds. "It's what Alex would have wanted," says Boong-Moll, in response to critics who have branded his plans 'sick' and 'disrespectful'. "He lived for fashion, so it's only fitting that he died for it too!"

The designer also points out that McQueen's suicide was, itself, a post-modern celebrity death. "Post-Jade Goody, every celebrity death is public property," he says. "Just look at the way Sky News had exclusive coverage of McQueen's last journey in the mortuary van. Apparently the crime scene photos had already been sold to OK magazine, and the post mortem was outsourced to Hello." Many TV companies and celebrity lifestyle magazines have now set up their own crime scene investigation units and teams of forensic investigators. "It's the best way of securing an exclusive," opines Boong-Moll. "Plus, by outsourcing, the police save money!" Hello is said to possess the most modern mortuary in the UK, with some of Europe's top pathologists under contract. "The public sector just can't compete with the level of care they can give celebrity corpses," the designer says. "That's why Alex signed up with them - he didn't want just any Tom, Dick or Harry poking him around after he topped himself!"



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