The Independent Republic of Me

Personally, I blame Jean Luc Godard. If I hadn't watched Alphaville the other evening, I wouldn't have fallen into this mood of introspection. It wasn't the film's philosophical exploration of the nature of alienation which triggered this state of mind. Rather, it was the realisation that I found myself in a situation where I had absolutely nobody I could discuss the film and its ideas with. I've tried over the past couple of days, both at work and in the pub, but it is clear that nobody of my acquaintance these days is either remotely interested in French cinema's Nouvelle Vague of the 1960s, or is able to comprehend the concepts the film explores. How, I asked myself, have I arrived in such a situation? Part of the answer lies in the fact that the people knew who would have been able to have a conversation with me on the subject of Godard have moved away, to new jobs or relationships. Add to that the fact that the local pub where most of that type of person tended to meet has been taken over by an idiot and is now shunned by anyone with taste and/or a brain, making it difficult to find like-minded replacements for the departees, and the result is an intellectual desert.

However, upon reflection, I have to concede that the problem also lies, in part, with me. I've always been something of a loner and, over the years I've become extremely self-sufficient in terms of human relationships. I've effectively become the 'Independent Republic of Me' - I rarely need anyone else's help, I really don't care what others think of me and I don't feel obliged to explain myself. I neither need nor seek anybody else's approval. Whilst this state of affairs has many advantages, it comes at a price. In order to maintain my independence I have to keep the rest of the world at bay. Relationships are maintained at arm's length - I've been let down and hurt by other people to often to let them get close. Consequently, I've become somewhat isolated and alienated from the rest of humanity. Does this worry me? Occasionally. But not to the extent that I'm going to rush out and embrace the rest of humanity - the problem still remains that most of 'humanity' around here is too thick to discuss Godard films with me!