The Wonder of Woolies

What's the world coming to, eh? I make an attempt to save one of the stalwarts of the British High Street and the bastards refuse to take me seriously! Perhaps I should elaborate - the other day I went into my local Woolworths, slapped a two pound coin down on the counter and told them I was making a serious offer for the whole chain. The assistant just gave me a befuddled look and told me she didn't know what I meant. "OK," I said, "if you don't have the authority to deal with this matter, then get someone down here who does." Needless to say they couldn't, and instead got security down to ask me to leave. "Look, this is a serious offer," I told them as they manhandled me to the door. "This is double what anyone else is offering - I'm prepared to go as high as five quid if anyone else comes in for the chain." Then, with my head held high, and my legs held higher, I was thrown out.

So now you know - if Woolworths go under, it's all their fault for refusing to take my offer seriously. As it is, they're apparently in receivership,which basically means that you can just walk into any of their stores take stuff off of the shelves and walk out with it. After all, the parent company is effectively down the tubes so nobody really owns the stock, do they? At least, that's what I keep telling everyone. Actually, don't try that - just because they're in receivership doesn't you can shoplift from Woolies with impunity. For purely legal reasons I must point out that this is a humourous post and I'm not encouraging anyone to commit criminal acts. Even if the chain is in receivership and none of the staff give a toss what the customers do, as they're all going to be sacked...