Children in Need...of a Kick Up The Arse

It's Children in Need on the BBC again. Why? No, really, why do they inflict it upon us year after year? I wouldn't mind, but it's the same old load of celebrity ego-massaging every time, as the great and the good try to salve their consciences by performing (usually badly) for charity. Oh, and plug their latest record/book/film/TV series at the same time. Couldn't they change the format? Maybe have it so that if we all pledge enough money in the seven days leading up to it, they won't show the bloody telethon. Actually, come to think of it, haven't the public given enough over the past few years to be entitled to a year off from the whole bloody thing?

Mind you, if there's anything worse than the TV broadcast, it's all those sodding 'charity' events in aid of Children in Need that people insist on organising at work. You know the sort of thing; come to work dressed as a porn actor, or tap dancing on your desk. Needless to say, I will have no truck with any such bollocks. Of course, if one of the local BBC inserts is being broadcast from your town, you might at least get a chance to meet some of your local presenters. Indeed, this year a friend of mine is hoping to meet the object of his obsession the local weather girl. It's like I've told him, all he has to do is turn up at the venue, dressed as a pirate and carrying one of those big prop cheques and its a dead cert he'll get on screen with her as he presents it. By the time anyone realises that there isn't actually any money and the cheque's a fake, it'll be too late - he'll already have groped her. Of course, he'd probably get in without the pirate costume, but it would give me a laugh if I saw him dressed like that, sexually molesting a local TV celebrity. It would almost make watching Children in Need worthwhile.