Sex and the Single [Retired Religious Leader]

Getting back to Max Mosley and his allegedly Nazi-themed sex dungeon, the whole sordid affair made me wonder what the sex fantasies the rich and famous might have. [Speculation on sexual fantasies of former US President]? [Speculation on sexual fantasies of former UK Prime Minister]? Most intriguingly, what turns [well known retired religious leader] on? [Speculation on sexual fantasies of aforementioned religious leader. involving  angels, nuns and Roman soldiers] However, bearing in mind the [retired religious leader's] links with [mention of entirely factual link between retired religious leader and extreme right-wing organisation], perhaps he inclines more toward the Max Mosley school of sexual stimulation. Maybe he likes to imagine [more speculation as to retired religious leader's fantasies involving nuns and Nazi cosplay]...

Now, I know what you're thinking, that the [retired religious leader] is beyond the sins of the flesh, existing on a higher spiritual level. Oh, please! You'll never convince me that he doesn't have to relieve his sexual tension just like the rest of us. Indeed, his official outfit is clearly designed to allow him to have a sly [euphemism for masturbation] whilst performing his official duties. Take that cassock - has there ever been an item of male accoutrement more obviously designed to allow one to surreptitiously have [euphemism for masturbation] under its folds, whilst preaching to a congregation? And that hat! Can a mitre have any purpose other than to disguise a huge [euphemism for erection] on when held on one's lap? I rest my case - even [retired religious leader] get horny. And I guarantee that this particular [retired religious leader] has masturbatory fantasies about Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS. It's either that or have [euphemism for group sex] with those nuns...

 

Author's  Note:  Some fifteen years after its publication, this post has been 'flagged for offence' by Google, (despite no-one having read it since it was posted), resulting in a warning notice being put up every time anyone tries to visit this blog.  Consequently, I've redacted what I assume to be the 'offensive' parts (apparently we can't have satire about political or religious leaders here any more), replacing them with a brief explanation, in everyday language, of what has been replaced.