The Displaced Dump

I can't deny that when I saw those tabloid headlines today about the former Prince Andrew being chased around his home by a masked man, I simply assumed that this was another revelation from the Epstein files.  I mean, there seems to be no limit to the sort of kinkiness the Epstein crowd got up to, so male rape fantasies would be no surprise at all.  But no, it turns out that it happened only recently and that the guy in the balaclava has been arrested.  Then we have this business about FBI director Kash Patel forcing staff to take lie detector tests in order to ascertain who it is that keeps leaving those huge floaters in his private toilet.  Apparently, it has been going on for weeks, but Patel finally snapped when the perpetrator left a huge turd in the wash basin.  Of course, staff at FBI headquarters know that it is actually Patel himself who is doing the shitting - but he's too drunk to remember his own unsanitary exploits.  He's allegedly drinking a whole case of his own brand vodka - the one which carries the FBI badge on its labels - every day.  So, he's wandering around the FBI building pointing at random people and bellowing 'It was you, wasn't it?  You keep shitting in my bathroom and not flushing!'  But he becomes ever more frustrated as, every time someone is wired up to the polygraph and asked if they did it, they reply 'I did not shit in the director's bathroom' and pass the test.  The continued denials simply reinforce his obsession with pinning his own toilet crimes on someone else.

It's all reminiscent of when Boris Johnson was PM and kept trying to blame his chronic farting on other cabinet members - usually Michael Gove, who, everyone agrees, looks like the sort who would fart furtively in public.  Johnson even kept up the pretence when he broke wind so violently in a cabinet meeting that he blew a hole in his trousers and followed through - he rushed from the room, stained trousers in tatters, before returning trouserless, with a towel wrapped around his waist, pointing at Rishi Sunak and shouting 'You filthy bastard!  I've told you before to go outside before you do that!'  Much to relief of Gove, who had himself just released a sneaky one cheek lift fart under cover of Johnson's ear-splitting postern blast.  Johnson, though, was knowingly practicing a deception, attempting, as ever, to deflect blame for his own uncivilised behaviour, whereas Kash Patel is seemingly oblivious to his own disgusting misconduct.  But just why is Patel shitting in his own bathroom, not flushing or even sometimes not even using the correct receptacle for his bowel movements?  And why is he apparently oblivious of his own unacceptable behaviour?  Could it be that is a sign of his subconscious self-loathing?  That at some level he is aware of the fact that he is completely unqualified for the office he holds and is seen by others as a drunken incompetent?  So, he literally shits on one of the symbols of his conscious self's success - the private FBI director's bathroom, with its gold fittings?  Just what, one wonders, would his predecessor and founding director of the FBI J. Edgar Hoover make of it all?  Hoover, after all, merely dressed in women's clothes and pursued homosexual affair with his assistant while publicly persecuting homosexuals and other alleged 'deviants'.  He never took a shit in his own sink.