No Place in Heaven?

Donald Trump thinks that there's nothing he can do that will get him into heaven.  No shit.  But he's more recently tried to walk this back, claiming that he was actually joking, not trying to shame God, the Pope or whoever to give him a blanket pre-emptive pardon so as to get through those pearly gates when the time comes.   The trouble is that his original comments sounded all too much like his laments over not being given the Nobel Peace Prize and you half expected him to follow up with a litany of all the good things he's done to improve people's lives.  But that would have been an even taller order than coming up with a convincing list of fake wars he'd supposedly ended in order to justify that Nobel prize.  Let's face it, this is the man that Jeffery Epstein - the world's most reviled sex offender - described as having 'not one decent cell in his body, so the chances of him getting into heaven, if it exists, would, indeed, seem to be very slim.  But hey, let's turn things around and try to see them from Trump's perspective: maybe the real problem is that heaven is just too woke.  Because that's the problem with modern religions - they're all so obsessed with setting impossibly high standards of morality that no normal person could hope to meet.  They just discriminate against regular guys.  Like Trump.  After all, who hasn't sexually assaulted a woman or two, been friends with a sex trafficker specialising in teenaged girls, instigated an attempted insurrection or illegally ordered boats to be sunk in international waters?  It could happen to anyone and the odd lapse surely shouldn't be taken as evidence of being an irredeemable sinner, should it?

Which is why, of course, that the right have never been too keen on religions - they always tend toward do-goodery, watering plants, being kind to furry animals, not raping your sister and such stuff.  Bloody kill-joys intent upon taking all the fun out of life.  Even worse, they say that you can't be rich and righteous.  To get your place in heaven, you have to give all your money away to help the sick and the poor!  Well, fuck that!   Which is why they tend to prefer those 'other' versions of religion, particularly Christianity, which hark back to good old values like subjugating women, wealth being the mark of God's chosen, enslaving people of colour and basically saying that the poor and indolent should know their place.  You know, the sort of stuff that the likes of Charlie Kirk peddled.  'Thou Shalt Not!' is their moral mantra - unless you are rich, of course, in which case you get a free pass in exchange for a generous donation to the church roof fund.  Ironically, most of this hardline stuff actually comes from the Old Testament, which has very little to do with the Christian faith - the basic tenets of that are all laid out in the woke New Testament.  The Old Testament is actually a Jewish text = something all those anti-semites in the Nazi wing of the right don't like to mention.  It has always fascinated me that so many on the right claim to be religious, in particular Christian, yet don't seem to have a clue as to what the values they supposedly encompass actually are.  I mean, if there really is a hereafter and it's Christian, then they're surely going to have a very rude awakening - they're all going to burn and Charlie Kirk and Rush Limbaugh will be thee to welcome them, so they should feel right at home.