The Sting of Vengeance

Perhaps I'm getting soft as I grow older, but recently, when a wasps' nest threatened to hold up my defoliation of my back garden, instead of destroying it and attempting to kill its occupants, I relocated them to the end of the garden, where they won't get in my way.  My attitude toward them was, possibly, coloured by my admiration for their sheer industriousness.  They had, in very quick time, succeeded in building their nest in a hollow they had excavated under a bag of garden waste I had left on the border I was working on.  Unfortunately, when I moved the bag, the nest was exposed and pulled out of position.  Obviously, the wasps were startled and confused and started swarming around.  Now, contrary to popular belief, wasps don't sting indiscriminately - they only do so when provoked.  Waving your arms around and panicking is, to them, provocation, a perceived show of aggression.  So, I just moved very slowly and they left me alone - even when I got close enough to get their nest onto a shovel and shift it down the garden.  unfortunately, it sustained some damage, but the last time I checked, they were busy carrying out repairs and seemed happy enough.  Most importantly, they are now out of my way.

Maybe it is an age thing, but I'm increasingly loathe to kill even household pests unless there really is no other alternative.  In the case of the wasps, they were also outside - if they had been inside the house I would have had little choice but to get in a pest controller.  But outside is a different matter - out there they keep far worse pests under control.  Besides, I have plans for those wasps.  I'm thinking that perhaps I can train them to do my bidding, like the eponymous Willard did with those rats in the 1971 film.  Sure, I know that they aren't as intelligent as rats, but the upside of that is while this might make them more difficult to train, it would doubtless also lessen the risk of them turning on me.  Willard might have ended up being gnawed to death by his rats, but I have no intention of being stung to death by my wasps.  Anyway, the plan is to train them to attack at the first whiff of a barbecue - as soon as that meat starts sizzling, I want them to fly to the source and swarm all over the perpetrators.  With any luck, that will result i a quick cessation of any back garden barbecues around here, so I won't have to put up with their stench for the rest of the summer.  So currently I'm wafting the scent from bits of burning meat at that nest while poking it with a stick, so as to get the wasps to associate that stench with an imminent  threat, thereby encouraging them to strike back at the source.  I f that doesn't work, I'll just have to resort to trying mind control, guiding them via my mental powers.  I know, I know, it's all a fantasy, but a man can dream, can't he?