False Memoirs Syndrome

Boris Johnson, the most brazenly corrupt UK Prime Minister in recent history, is threatening, sorry, promising, to bring us a political memoir 'unlike any other'.  In what way, I wonder?  Bearing in mind just how disastrous and mired in scandal his premiership was, will he, rather than giving us the facts, simply make it all up, creating a fabricated version of history in which he is the hero?  A bit like his hero Churchill did with regard to his record as Prime Minister in World War Two - in his version, which, for far too long, was uncritically accepted as 'the truth', he made no mistakes, got all the 'big calls' right and was behind every major victory of the war.  The reality was somewhat different, with numerous miscalculations and unwelcome attempts to interfere in military decision making.  Many of those victories were in spite of Churchill rather than because of him, despite his desire to credit for the efforts of others.  I strongly suspect that Johnson's memoirs will follow a similar pattern: a heroic tale of how he single-handedly fought Covid, having already got in his Spitfire and seen off the EU in the 'Battle of Brexit'.  Oh, let's not forget how he 'fought them on the beaches' - refugees landing by rubber dinghy on the Kent coast, that is.  Yes indeed, stripped to the waist so as to highlight his masculine and muscled photoshopped torso and wearing a tin hat, he posed for a photo-opportunity, kicking heavily armed asylum seekers, (actually actors), back into the sea.

Mind you, this all presupposes that he ever writes these memoirs.  Aren't his publishers still waiting for that book about Shakespeare, for which he trousered a sizeable advance?  If the prospective publishers of this proposed memoir have paid a similar advance then they should give up all hope of ever seeing a manuscript now.  Unless he employs ghost writers - Jeffrey Archer is available.  Mind you, he'd have to pay them and Johnson seems to have a resistance to spending money.  His own, that is.  Like many wealthy people, Johnson never seems to actually use his own cash,no matter how much of it he earns as an MP, Prime Minister or from speaking engagements, (which is why these people are wealthy), instead relying upon the generosity of equally wealthier admirers and supporters.  Right now, for instance, he's reportedly living, rent-free, in a London house owned by a Tory party donor.  When they aren't donating accommodation or expenses to him, they're arranging loans for him, (then, entirely coincidentally, getting appointed BBC Chairman),  Mind you, judging by the sales of other recent political memoirs, Johnson can only be writing his as the result of a generous advance, as royalties will be non-existent.  Perhaps, though, he'll surprise us all by actually telling the truth in these memoirs - if they ever appear - admitting that he is a corrupt, immoral bastard who fucked the country up the arse and is still grifting away.  But somehow, I doubt it.