Vampirella (1996)

So, direct to video action films and Turkish superhero knock offs weren't the only low rent films I watched over the weekend.  I also endured the 1996 adaptation of the Vampirella comic book.  Yeah, I know - there was a Vampirella film?  I can see why they kept quiet about it - it really is a mess.  But then, comic book adaptations often are - part of the problem is that long-running comic characters usually go through so many re-boots and re-imaginings in order to try and keep them relevant, that film makers are always left with the problem of which version of the characters' continuity that they should use.  Vampirella has certainly been through enough revisions, (spurred on not just by longevity, but also by several changes of publisher), since she first appeared in the late sixties. This film version tries for a compromise - using a version of her original extraterrestrial origin story, but combined with elements of later versions.  While retaining some of the original supporting characters, it jettisons one of the most iconic of the original continuity's characters, omitting Pendragon altogether.  This new, bolted together cinematic continuity, trying to  mix and match elements from across the strip's history, is simply too clunky ever to succeed in producing at satisfying film.  The casting doesn't help - Talisa Soto tries her best in the title role but is miscast.  As for the villain, well, Roger Daltry is absolutely dreadful, his acting as woeful as his grasp of the politics of Brexit, his Dracula just comes over as an obnoxious cunt.  Typecast again.

An obviously low budget and scuzzy production values and poor pacing don't help, but the film's biggest handicap lies in the fact that it was 'directed' by Jim Wynorski, prolific director of low budget, direct to video, dreck.  Generally speaking, his presence in the credits of a film is generally enough to get me reaching for the off button but, due an affection for the original Vampirella strips, I gave this one a chance.  Oh God, how I wish that I hadn't!  (Wynorski, incredibly, has a Roku channel dedicated to his films which, even more incredibly, viewers are expected to pay for - they've got it the wrong way around, they'd have to pay me to watch his crappy oeuvre).  Leaving aside Wynorski's failings as a director, the Vampirella film suffers from the fact that the different versions of the comic book it tries to combine are jarringly different in style and tone.  It wasn't the first time that a film adaptation had been attempted, of course.  Back in the seventies Hammer Films had twice tried to mount productions, but both fell through for financial reasons.  Back then the continuity problems wouldn't have been so bad as the strip was still in its early days.  Indeed, the proposed casting - Caroline Munroe as Vampirella and Peter Cushing as Pendragon in the first attempt - would suggest the more whimsical tone of the early comic books was being aimed at.  Sadly though, what we eventually got was this 1996 version, which fails completely to get to grips with the character.