Friday, December 20, 2019

Bottling It

I decided to do some clearing up today, it being Christmas and everything.  So, I thought that I'd make a start by getting rid of the collection of empty beer bottles which had been cluttering up my kitchen work top.  I mean, not only were they taking up valuable space, but they made it look as if I'm some kind of desperate alcoholic.  Not that I am - they'd been building up for quite some time now.  The four Coors Light bottles, for instance, I'm sure dated back to late Summer.  Anyway, I decided that they were all going to the bottle bank.  I say 'bottle bank', it's actually a glorified skip in the corner of the car park where my car lives.  By the end of Christmas and New Year it is usually full to overflowing.  So, I went about removing their caps (it's a peculiar quirk of mine that, after I've drunk the beer, I stick the cap back on the bottle - obviously, though, you can't stick them in the bottle bank with the caps still on).  Now, you might think that I just put those bottle caps in the bin.  But no, I just added them to the collection I already had from the last lot of empties.  You see, I have this enduring fantasy that, eventually, I'll have enough identical caps to make a draughts set (two sets of twelve - I favour English Draughts).  I'm still not there yet - I really should think more carefully when buying bottled beer to make sure that it has the type of caps I need,

But to return to the point: I gathered up all of the bottles in a carrier bag and lugged them over to the bottle bank. I took great pleasure in hurling the lot into the one marked 'Any Colour Glass'.  Actually, I can't say that I see the point of this label, as the other bin is labelled simply 'Coloured Glass'.  What's the difference?  (Once upon a time, they were colour coded, with one exclusively for clear glass).  Having disposed of the lot, I went off to do some shopping, secure in the knowledge that there was newly cleared space in my kitchen.  So, you can imagine my surprise when I got home and went into the kitchen to put away my shopping, only to find those four Coors Light bottles still sitting on the kitchen work top.  Now, I know that I'd stuck them in that plastic bag and thrown them in the bottle bank.  Yet there they were, sat there mocking me.  None of the other bottles had reappeared,  Just them.  All pretty spooky, eh?  OK, I know that it isn't much of a Christmas ghost story, but it is the best I've got.  I'm afraid that we've been pretty short of the weird stuff of late here in Crapchester.  Unless you count that business of some bloke from down the street hallucinating that my car had been broken into.  He claimed that the car alarm had woken him up and that the next morning the boot was open.  Except that he couldn't remember which night this was meant to have happened and that the boot has never been open when I've gone to collect the car.  There is also no physical evidence that anyone had ever tampered with the car in such a way that would set the alarm off.  Personally, I think that he's on drugs.  Or drunk.  Or both.  Either that, or there's a phantom car thief out there.  Perhaps the same phantom who brings empty bottles back to my kitchen...

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