The Third Secret

So, the other day I was watching, (or rather, half-watching, because it was background to me doing something else), one of those conspiracy theory programmes on some digital TV channel or other.  It was called Forbidden Histories or some equally pretentious title and, despite claiming it would offer new revelations about some historical 'mystery', you knew that it was going to be bollocks as it was being presented by that lightweight pillock Jamie Theakston.  Anyway, this particular episode was about the 'secrets of Fatima', (which, coincidentally, had come up in conversation with someone a few days earlier).  These, for those who don't know, these were three visions and prophecies imparted to a group of Portuguese children by an apparition of the Virgin Mary in 1917.  Two of these secrets - one a vision of Hell, the other a prediction that World War One would shortly end, but that a second global conflict would occur in the near future - were revealed in 1930 in the memoirs of one of the children.  The third secret was supposed to be revealed by the Vatican in 1960.  Except that it wasn't, leading to speculation that it involved a revelation so disturbing and devastating that the church had decided that the public had to be protected from it - the end of the world, the assassination of a Pope or the collapse of the Roman Catholic Church, were all favourite candidates among the conspiracy nutters. 

In 2000, the Vatican did finally reveal the third secret, which turned out to be a vague vision of the future whose elements, half ruined cities, huge crucifixes and an apparent martyrdom of a figure who might have been the Pope, could be interpreted to fit any of the scenarios favoured by the conspiracy theorists.  Except that they weren't satisfied by the revelation, claiming that it just wasn't dramatic enough.  There have been all sorts of allegations that either what was revealed wasn't the 'real' third secret, or that it was only part of the third secret and that the real version is far more dramatic.  Of course, this is always a problem faced by conspiracy theories: they build up expectations around 'secrets' and suppressed knowledge, which can never be fulfilled.  The revelations, when they come, are always an anti climax and are inevitably followed by allegations of cover ups and the like.  The truth, it seems, remains elusive, (as it always must for the conspiracy theorists, or they'd be out of business).  But the whole business, as presented on this TV programme, set me thinking: just what sort of 'revelation' would the so called Third Secret have to contain for the Catholic church to go to such extreme lengths (presenting a fake Third Secret) to suppress it?  What would they think would disturb their congregation so much?  The only answer I could come up with is that it predicted a gay Pope.  Such a revelation would rock the church to its core, threatening the whole fabric of its belief system.

Maybe that's what that last vision really was: the Holy Father getting it on with another guy.  (Would he be 'giving' or 'receiving' though? Which would be considered more Christian, to be receiving the love of his flock or giving out his love through administering a good 'pounding' to a Monsignor?)  Or perhaps those kids in Portugal saw a vision of a future Pope involved in a gang bang with a conclave of Cardinals.  Or, (and let's dial up the offensiveness here), they saw him getting down and dirty with the leader of another faith - cavorting with the Archbishop of Canterbury, enjoying a tryst with the Dalai Llama or even embracing the Grand Mufti.  The sub text here would be clear: not only should the church embrace homosexuality, but it should also use the power of gayness to unite with other faiths, to create one global, all encompassing religion celebrating a non-gender specific deity of universal sexual orientation.  I mean, sod the apocalypse, this is the sort of thing that would really disturb the Catholic church.  Imagine, an openly gay Pope would inevitably result in huge numbers of Catholic priests coming out of the closet, not to mention ordinary churchgoers finally feeling that it was safe to come out as gay or lesbian.  Churches painted in rainbow colours, Bishops in full regalia hanging out in gay bars.  It just doesn't bear thinking about.  Yep, if you ask me, that's what the Third Secret of Fatima is really about.