Friday, September 07, 2018

End of Another Summer

I was going to post something about the model railway locomotive I've been putting together from bits I bought on eBay several years ago and have had in storage ever since.  Unfortunately, other things came up unexpectedly, halting, temporarily, progress on this particular project.  Which is frustrating but typical of the way things go in my life these days.  Besides, as I mentioned yesterday, my mood is becoming increasingly melancholic.  I'm nearing the end of my extended Summer break and, to be frank, I really have no desire to return to work next week.  Even after three weeks of leisure time, I still feel like I'm only just getting back into my stride after all the crap I've endured this year.  There's no doubt that being away from my horrendous work place has helped my recovery from illness immeasurably:  not only is my stomach far more settled, but I don't fatigue as easily as before my holiday, nor have I experienced any light-headedness since taking this time off.  The only conclusion can be that work isn't good for my health. Which, let's face it, I already knew, following my three month illness which kicked off the year and was largely the result of work related stress.

You know the best thing about these past three weeks?  The fact that I've managed to avoid having to deal with people.  I've kept my human interactions down to a bare minimum.  There have been days when, barring exchanging pleasantries with check out operators in shops, I've not had a single conversation. They were brilliant days!  As I get older, I find that I increasingly prefer my own company.  There are no arguments, no colleagues trying to belittle me because I won't break the rules for them, or endanger myself for the job.  No tiresome small talk and meaningless enquiries about one's health, (the fact that the questioner never waits for a reply is always indicative that they don't actually care).   I've been left alone with my own thoughts.  Which has been wonderful.  Best of all, I haven't had other people's problems constantly being my problem, as is the case at work.  I realised early on during my break that I actually didn't miss anything or anyone from my workplace.  If I never saw any of them again, it really wouldn't bother me.  There are certainly no conversations I'd miss as I find it impossible to actually have a conversation on any subject I'm interested in with anyone there.  But, the fact is that, at least temporarily I'm going to have to go back there next week.  That, and the fact that Summer is clearly slipping away now, leaving me with a feeling of unfinished business, are the clear causes of my melancholy.  But at least I'm beginning to feel more like my old self. 



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