The Reinvention Game

The question is, just how does one go about 'reinventing' oneself?  It's a term you hear all the time, more often than not bandied about with regard to disgraced celebrities who have made some sort of comeback, or bankrupt former millionaires who have managed to set up some new business venture.  But what about us ordinary people, stuck in unfulfilling, hateful jobs or brought low by circumstances beyond our control?  How do we break way from these constraints and 'reinvent' ourselves as someone more successful enjoying a more fulfilling life?  How do we go about somehow erasing our pasts, or at least those parts of our past history which always seem to be dragging us down?  After all, whether we like it or not, we find ourselves, all too frequently, being defined in the eyes of others by what we have done for a living and what mistakes we have made, rather than by who we are and our more positive qualities.  Obviously, the question of reinvention is currently of great interest to me, as I contemplate finally walking away from my train wreck of a job, simply walking into another such soul destroying form of employment simply isn't an option.  But I feel so tainted by by the negative perceptions of my current job that I sincerely fear that, regardless of my academic qualifications and previous experience, I'll be judged solely on this lousy job.  There's also the matter of my health issues earlier this year and the fact that I strongly suspect that my current employers will try to provide me with the most negative reference they can get away with, (because they are bastards).

So, how can I 'reinvent' myself and thereby miraculously sidestep all of these problems?  Well, I tried doing an internet search on the subject, (not using Google, obviously), and browsed some of the results.  None of them were terribly helpful: they were all the usual self help management consultant mumbo jumbo about how you have to 'visualise' your desired future life in order to achieve it, (shades of Noel Edmonds and 'Cosmic Ordering').  It's all the usual 'inspirational' cobblers you all too often get served up on daytime TV by people trying to reinvent themselves as 'lifestyle gurus'.  None of it actually gave any practical, tangible, advice on the mechanics of personal reinvention for the average person.  But they all seem to agree that 'letting go' of the things holding you back is the starting point.  Well, no shit Sherlock.  But 'letting go' of the past, as they so glibly advise, is actually nigh on impossible.  Unless you fake your own death and create a new identity, that is.  Which, I suppose, is an option.  Many, many years ago, I used to make a daily journey which involved changing trains at Bristol Templemeades station. There were mornings, as I awaited my (usually late) connection, I used to fantasise about getting on another train headed for some destination like Derby or Stockport, where nobody knew me and I could start again, unfettered by my past.  Not quite as drastic as faking one's own death, I know, but the sentiment was much the same.

Of course, to a certain extent, I have already reinvented myself in that I have an online persona and career pretty much separate from my real world life and job.   Indeed, in some quarters of the web I'm known as 'that bloke who seems to watch an unhealthy number of obscure low rent movies'.  For a time, when satire wasn't being labelled as fake news  and being driven off of the web, in some circles I was known as a low rent satirist.  The trouble is that I've never found a way of making money out of any of these online activities of mine.  They are generally far too esoteric for that.  Besides, any web-based activity is these days far too dependent upon the whims of Google when it comes to people actually being able to find and access it.

I've always got my unused teaching qualification to fall back on - but that route is fraught with problems.  These days, just having a PGCE isn't enough, you need Qualified Teacher Status (QTS) as well.  I've been trying to get some additional training to gain QTS, but my efforts have been sabotaged by the refusal of one of my references to actually come up with a reference. (UCAS won't accept the application form until the references are supplied).  Despite having agreed to give me a reference and having told UCAS that he would, it has now been nearly three weeks and despite e-mails and personal requests, he keeps prevaricating.  He's always going to have it done by 'the end of the week', but it never is.  It has become quite clear that he has no intention of doing it.  In which case, why did he ever say that he would?  It is hugely frustrating as not only is the deadline for applications fast approaching, but available places on courses are rapidly being filled.  He doesn't seem to grasp that he is fucking with my future.  I'm now left desperately scrabbling around, trying to find another reference.  The trouble is that I'm not allowed to use anyboby who would be classified as 'family' or 'friends' and I know very few people outside of those categories (especially at work) who I trust, (I've been proven wrong once already, after all).

So, where does that leave me in the 'reinvention' stakes?  Realistically, I'm back to Plan A: just walk away from where I am now and take my chances.  I have no mortgage, no dependents and I've sufficient money in the bank to live on for the foreseeable future.  Obviously, in the longer term, I need to secure some form of income so as not to deplete my savings too much.  I can always claim my work pension early from next year (at a reduced rate, naturally).  It wouldn't be enough to live on, but it would reduce the draw down on my savings.  I could sell my house and down size to free up funds or, alternatively, I could look into releasing some of the equity from the house in order to access more funds.  Perhaps my youngest nephew has the right approach - he's a qualified mechanic, but only works when he needs money.  He seems happy enough and is doing OK.  Maybe I can figure out how to do something similar with my qualifications.  Perhaps that's the key to reinventing myself - going from nine-to-fiver to jobbing part-timer.