Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Quantum Penalty Shoot Out

So, the box was opened and the cat was alive: England progress to the World Cup quarter finals and the negative narrative of them being perennial losers is banished for a few more days.  But now we're back in that quantum limbo where England as semi-finalists co-exists with the possibility of England as losing quarter finalists.  Still, quantum speculations aside, there is undeniably something deeply satisfying in seeing England finally win a penalty shoot-out.  And the Columbians were dirty bastards, making their last gasp demise on penalties even more satisfying.  That said I could have done without all the tension - after all, I'm under Doctor's orders to avoid stress as it isn't good for my blood pressure.  The biggest obstacle England had to overcome tonight, though, was the fact that the match was being shown live on ITV.  Now, not only is ITV's football coverage utterly dire, but, statistically speaking, England have a very poor win rate for matches in the finals of tournaments when they are shown on ITV.  Thankfully, Saturday's quarter final is being shown on the BBC, so at least that's one handicap that England won't have to labour against.

The question, obviously, is if an England match was to be shown simultaneously on both ITV and the BBC, would there be different results for viewers of each channel?  We're back into quantum physics territory here.  That said, I can remember a time when England's matches in World cup Finals we're shown simultaneously on both channels and I don't recall them losing on one, but winning on the other.  But that still doesn't mean that it couldn't happen.  Of course, there is a downside to England's survival, for a few more days at least, in the World Cup: between now and Saturday we're going to be besieged by idiots using it as an excuse to march around the streets drunkenly shouting 'ENGERLUND!'.  Oh, and there'll be even more cars festooned with England flags driving around.  I've actually never understood the flags.  I mean, I know that I'm in England, I don't need to fly bloody flags from my car to establish the fact.  But, on the bright side, the quarter final coincides with the first day of the latest incarnation of Crapchester Shite, 'C-Love', so should help keep attendance (and the accompanying anti-social behaviour, which, in the past has included people trespasssing on my garden, using the rear alley as a public convenience and littering the street outside my house) down.  Hooray!



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