Half Dead to Half Alive

Three half days back at work this week have left me shattered.  In part, it is the effect of trying to put my body clock back into a work routine, after weeks of doing very little and allowing my body to fall into its own rhythm.  The beta blocker I'm still taking for my blood pressure has also, undoubtedly, played a part in making me feel tired, (one of its commonest side effects is increased fatigue).  Then there's the boredom.  I'd almost forgotten just how unfulfilling the job can be.  It doesn't help that I'm facing a mountain of work to deal with in terms of backlog - despite colleagues allegedly having been covering for me, I keep finding work that hasn't been dealt with.  It seems that all that has been dealt with are the most urgent pieces of work.  Clearly, when I've covered for colleagues on long-term sick leave, I've been doing it wrong: I've tried to deal with as much of their work as possible.  It's not that I'm ungrateful, but bearing in mind all the cobblers about 'appreciating the effect your absence has had on your colleagues' you get shoved in your face at the 'return to work' meeting these days, you'd think that the entire organisation had been put out by doing all of my work for me.

But that's the trouble these days: sickness is increasingly treated as a disciplinary offence, as if was some kind of voluntary act.  Nobody chooses to be ill.  Certainly not as ill as I've been.  The time I've had off hasn't been a holiday - I've spent most of it suffering side effects from various medications, enduring tests and worrying about my health.  Besides, before this lengthy period of sick leave, I'd taken only one sick day in twenty years.  So I'm hardly a serial malingerer.  Indeed, the fact that this time I was forced to take so much time off must surely be an indication of the seriousness of my condition.  Yet still they try to make you feel guilty about being ill.  Anyway, the long and the short of it all is that I feel like I've gone from being half dead to half alive.  But not to worry, I have a plan.  I mentioned it a couple of posts ago and involves my having to stick things out until early June.  Which might prove difficult, if this week has been anything to go by.  If things do get too much for my health, I'll just hand my notice in before June.  But if I can stick it out then, financially, I'll be in a far stronger position.  More importantly, I will have put one over on the bastards.  In the meantime, I'm not back in the office until Monday, so I've got tomorrow to try and get my strength back.