Monday, April 09, 2018

Never Go Back

You should never go back, or so they say.  I'm not quite sure who the 'they' saying this are, but apparently 'they' are.  Anyway, I was reminded of this (apparently unattributed) saying today, when I went into work for the first time in several weeks, having been signed off sick since the beginning of January.  It was even more desultory than I remembered it.  Thankfully, I'm only doing three half days this week, in an attempt to ease myself back into the workplace.  Believe me, it took less than half a day today to convince me that the sooner I hand in my notice, the better.  Strangely, there are still some in management who expressed surprise when, today, I announced my intention to quit in he near future.  I don't know why they bother with the charade: they've been architects behind the shit I've endured for the past three or four years, not to mention the increased stress levels which resulted in my illness.  But just half a day in the office has left me exhausted.  Not just physically, either.  Being there reinforced the fact that I just don't want to do the job any more.  It has taken up too many years of my life already.  As I keep saying, I only carried on with it to get the mortgage paid and that's now done.

Foolishly, a part of me thought, what harm can another year do?  It's another year of National Insurance contributions for my pension and more money in the bank: a whole year of no mortgage repayments, the money going straight into my savings, instead.  Obviously, now I know what harm that another year can do: high blood pressure, a raised risk of a stroke and diabetes.  It really wasn't worth it - I should have left as soon as the mortgage was paid, or at the end of last Summer at the very latest.  Now, it's a case of ensuring that I've got another full year of NI contributions to my pension paid (working to the end of this month should ensure that), then getting out.  Of course, if I could stick it out until the first week of June, then my new leave year would kick in and I could take several weeks of paid leave in lieu of notice - basically get paid to go on my Summer holidays.  But I don't think that I'm going to be able to stomach it that long.  I really didn't feel as if I belonged there today.  Still, I'll have to give it some thought - I've only got two other half days in the office this week, so I've got plenty of time to ponder the matter.



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