Friday, July 07, 2017

Feeling the Heat

This sweltering heat is having some strange consequences.  The other evening, for instance, this girl who lives opposite to where I park my car, with whom I'm on nodding terms with, as you tend to be with neighbours, actually enquired after my health as she passed by my car as I was getting out of it. She was concerned by the fact that I had clearly spent the better part of the day in a car on one of the hottest days of the year (I certainly looked frazzled enough).  Before I got my hopes up - younger women acknowledging, let alone speaking to me is becoming a rarity these days - it occurred to me that her concern was probably akin to that she would have felt if she had seen a dog locked in a hot car, except in this case it was some old geezer.  Perhaps this is going to become a thing, maybe we'll see campaigns being launched to alert people to the dangers of leaving middle aged  blokes in cars on hot days - always make sure they've rolled down a window.

Mind you, there are some hot weather-related things we need to start cracking down on - most urgently, overweight middle aged men taking their shirts off in public.  I dread it every time we have a spell of hot weather: all those beer bellies spilling over their belts.  Really guys, nobody wants to see that.  Nor do they want to see your fucking tattoos.  Believe me, tattoos are not cool.  They are not art.  They represent a regression into primitive tribalism.  And when you get to an age when you realise what an embarrassment they are, you'll be expecting me to subsidise their removal on the NHS.  Oh yes, before I forget, for some strange reason, male nipples are nowhere near as fascinating as their female equivalent.  We don't want to see them.  The most objectionable form of this behaviour, for me at least, is when these exhibitionists decide to drive their cars and white vans without their shirts on.  I don't know why, but this really winds me up.  We need legislation to stop this anti-social behaviour now, before it ruins another Summer for me.



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