Monday, April 18, 2016

The Power of New Pants

It's amazing the difference wearing new underwear can make.  I recently invested in several new pairs of boxer shorts as many of my existing stock were wearing thin.  In fact, some of them were in pretty poor condition, sporting large holes.  That said, none is in as bad a condition as the Y-fronts one of my older brothers 'wore' back in the seventies - one pair was reduced to basically being the elastic waist band with a few bits of material attached to it.  Quite how, or why, he was wearing them, I don't know.  Nor do I know why he didn't just buy new pants.  It got to the stage that my mother - said brother was still living at home at the time - refused to have them hanging on the washing line after he'd put them through the wash, (again, I don't know why he was bothering), for fear of what the neighbours might think.  There have been times in my life when I've been rock bottom financially and have had to wear old underwear in poor condition as I couldn't afford to replace it, but I've never subjected my actual bottom to anything like those Y-fronts of my brother's.

But, to get back to my new boxer shorts, since Saturday I've been wearing the new ones: I thought that I would kick off my week off from work in style.  There's something about the feel of a brand new, pristine, pair of boxer shorts - so clean, so comfortable, so secure.  There are none of those vague stains you can never seem to wash out which seem to linger in old pairs.  There's also none of that slight coarseness which sets in after they've been washed a few times, not to mention the way they start to lose their shape.  Best of all, there aren't any of those worrying holes - not being able to feel the inside of the seat of your trousers is a wonderful experience, not to mention being able to zip up your flys without fear of inadvertent damage due to holes and tears.  So, all weekend I've felt incredibly safe and secure and now I've kicked the week of feeling the same way.  First time new underwear engenders an incredible sense of confidence - I feel like I could take on the world an win.  Best of all, I've got another three pairs of brand new boxers to go - so that hairy peasant whose car is currently squatting in my parking space without a valid permit had better look out, as I'm likely to confront him and pull his stupid hipster beard out hair by hair.  Well, any when between now and Thursday, that is, after which the power of the new pants will start to wane.   



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