Monday, February 15, 2016

Love, Inconveniently

So, a while ago I was watching something on TV - I can't remember what it was, it could have been a medical drama or a soap opera, but that's not important, really - when one character asked: "Where would we be without love?"  I found myself answering: "Content, probably".  Which might seem a strange thing to say, (particularly as there was nobody else present at the time, so I was essentially having conversation with some on TV, moreover, I'm pretty sure that their question was rhetorical, anyway).  I mean, we're all conditioned to react positively to mentions of 'love' in the media, as it is usually presented as the solution to, well, everything and its achievement the ultimate aim of all sentient beings.  Obviously, I had to ask myself if there was something wrong with me for having such a dissenting reaction - had I been traumatised so badly by past experiences that I now had a reflexively negative reaction to any mention of 'love' as a positive force?

Well, not quite.  The fact is that when I look back at all the times I've been in love - or thought that I was in love - I can see the the turmoil it caused me at the time.  Not just emotional turmoil, although that was always bad enough, but also the way in which my life in general was turned upside down in attempts to accommodate someone else.  Established routines would be thrown out of the window in order to schedule assignations and the like.  Now, some would say that all of those things are part of the exhilaration of being in love.  Personally, I just found it exhausting.  I'll admit it, I'm a creature of habit.  I'm selfish.  I don't like my life being disrupted.  None of which is to say that I'm 'anti-love', (which is why I didn't post this yesterday, on Valentine's Day - actually, that's not really true, I didn't post it then because it was a Sunday and I generally can't be arsed to post at the weekend) - I'm sure that there are lots of people who enjoy all that turmoil, and good luck to them.  But I have to say that since I made my only resolution every New Year to stop falling in love, I've felt more content than I have since I was a child.  Which isn't to say that I've given up entirely on the notion of love, I just want it to be as convenient and orderly as possible.  Perhaps I can schedule it in for some time in the Spring of 2017?  (In the afternoon - I'm not a morning person).



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