Blue Waters

Maybe I'm just being cynical, but I couldn't help but notice that the government didn't bother taking this flooding business seriously until potentially large numbers of Tory voters found their homes at risk.  Sure, the Tory-voting Somerset Levels were flooded for some time before they acted, but, in reality, it was a relatively small number of homes at risk there.  The turning pint undoubtedly came when all those Tories in the Thames Valley suddenly felt the water lapping around their doorsteps.  I can guarantee that if it had been housing estates full of predominantly working class people in social housing being flooded, Cameron and co would have done bugger all and stayed at home in their mansions.  Indeed, I know this to be the case.   Here in Crapchester, which isn't that far from the Thames Valley, we've suffered flooding, with people forced to abandon their homes.  Rather than being a river bursting its banks, the source of this flooding was badly backed up drains, unable to cope with the huge quantities of rainwater falling in such a short period.  And, rather than being nice middle class people in twee riverside homes, the victims here were the denizens of a somewhat run-down housing estate.  Remarkably, neither Cameron or royal princes have turned up to help and commiserate.  Not even Crapchester's Tory MP could be bothered to put on their wellingtons and put in an appearance.

Still, we're probably just imagining this bad weather.  At least, I'm sure that's what bonkers Education Secretary Michael Gove thinks - I'm waiting for him to come out and claim that it is all down to left-wing academics and those pinkos at the BBC distorting the actual situation, so as to denigrate Britain.  In reality, thanks to the government's prompt actions, decisiveness and forward planning, the floods were beaten back in another glorious triumph for Britain.  In fact, I'm waiting for him to claim that the floods are actually down to time travelling left wing academics who, having seen the triumphant victory against the floods and the adulation it brought the Tories, have came back in time to sabotage the government's anti-flood efforts and retrospectively turn victory into defeat.  It's obvious really, when you think about it.  Well, to Gove it's obvious - history has been rewritten by evil left wing historians from the future, determined to twist it to their prejudices.  Which begs the question, of course, as to why they haven't changed the past to eliminate Gove himself.  Or maybe he's part of the plan - they've engineered the rise of this shitty government and its lunatic ministers like Gove as a warning to future generations.  Which would explain a lot - I  mean, how else could a group of individuals as arrogant, incompetent and venal as this government rise to power otherwise?