The Gun is Good, The Penis is Bad...

I was reminded of the flying godhead in Zardoz's catchphrase the other day: 'The Gun is Good.  The Penis is Bad'.  It all has to do with controlling the population of the savages who live in the wastelands, if you haven't ever seen this bonkers slice of British seventies science fiction.  If you've ever wanted to see Sean Connery in a nappy-like loincloth and little else, then this is the film for you.  To get back to the point, it occurred to me that it could also serve as an effective slogan for the Tory Party conference this week.  After all, Cameron certainly seems to think that the gun is good - particularly when it is being pointed at Johnny Foreigner in an attempt to divert public attention from domestic issues.  Dave definitely believes that the penis is bad (although William Hague might disagree, allegedly) - just look at how determined he is to curb our sexual lusts by trying to block internet porn from our PCs and smartphones.  Dave's obsession with internet porn has become my obsession, in that I've become determined to get to the bottom of this fixation.  I mean, it just isn't normal, is it?

But perhaps, seen in the context of Zardoz, this obsession now makes some kind of sense.  Maybe Cameron and co are worried that exposure to all those pictures of naked ladies will so sexually excite the lower orders that they'll start procreating out of all control.  As, thanks to Gorgeous George Osborne's economic incompetence, there aren't any jobs, then they'll all end up on welfare which as we know, the Tories don't like.  It's that 'something for nothing culture'.  Except that people claiming unemployment benefit, for instance, aren't getting something for nothing - they've paid into the system in terms of tax and national insurance contributions.  But logic doesn't bother these gun-loving, penis-hating, right-wing bastards.  Only today we've had Osborne telling us how he's going to punish the long-term unemployed for not having jobs, forcing them to do community work, like picking up litter on the streets.  Which begs the question, if there is a need for people to sweep up the streets, then surely people should be employed properly, on a full-time paid basis, to do this?  Using unpaid labour in shape of unemployed people is surely destroying employment opportunities.  Perhaps I'm missing something, but isn't the reason that people are claiming unemployment benefits is because they don't have jobs?  So surely the best way to reduce unemployment benefit pay-outs is to create more jobs?  Proper jobs, I mean, not those zero-hours neo-feudal arrangements they try to pass off as jobs.  If only these Tory bastards could learn to love their penises, then maybe we could get Britain back to work...