Asylum Seeker About The Embassy

Learning that NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden was to seek asylum in Ecuador reminded me that Julian Assange is still holed up in Ecuador's London embassy.  Surely the staff must be getting fed up with him by now?  He's been there for months.  It must be like having one of those house guests who don't seem to realise that they've outstayed their welcome.  You know the sort - the 'friend' you let sleep on your sofa after a night at the pub who is still there six weeks later despite all your subtle hints - such as spending all evening farting on the sofa they plan to sleep on - that they should go.  There's no doubt that the Assange embassy situation has all the makings of one of those mismatched housemates flat share sitcoms.  If only it was still the seventies we could have Asylum Seeker About the Embassy.  It would have been a perfect fit for Thames TV's schedules.

Every week we'd see another attempt by the increasingly frustrated Ecuadorean ambassador (played by Brian Murphy) to eject Assange from the embassy by nefarious means, as he still owes six months rent for his room.  "Just step through here for that audience with the world's press we've arranged," he'll undoubtedly say, ushering Assange (Geoffrey Davies from the Doctor series) towards a set of doubles doors.  "They're just through here..."  Of course, at the last minute, with one foot hovering over the threshold, Assange realises the doors lead to the street and a posse of waiting policemen.  "Whoa - nearly got me there," he chuckles.  "Better luck next time!"  The whole situation is complicated by the ambassador's under-sexed wife (Yootha Joyce) continually making advances to Assange and frustrating her husband's plans, and the fact, due a lack of space at the embassy, he is being forced to share a room with two girls: one a dizzy blonde (Sally Thomsett), the other a smart brunette (Paula Wilcox).  Tensions arise as they are naturally wary of Assange because of the Swedish rape allegations hanging over him.  Many hijinks involving sexual innuendo and misunderstandings ensue.  This stuff just writes itself!