Evil Salami Drug Gang?

My local newspaper, The Crapchester Chronicle, has done it again - amusing and bemusing me with a wonderfully nonsensical headline: 'Evil Salami Drugs Gang Jailed'. To be fair, I'm not sure if that was the actual headline on the paper itself, (I can't be bothered to buy the thing), but it was certainly the headline they were using on the posters they stick up in local newsagents' windows to advertise the local edition. I know - I had to read it about half a dozen times to check I wasn't mistaken. I'm still none the wiser as to what it actually means. Was a drug gang calling itself 'Evil Salami' jailed? I mean, that's a pretty crap gang name. It's not exactly up there with the Crips or the Bloods, let alone the Hell's Angels as snappy moniker guaranteed to overawe your rivals. It's not as if salamis are particularly menacing as meat products go, not even amongst sausages. Those huge German sausages that look like horses' wangers are far scarier. Perhaps an evil salami is more menacing. Although I'm not sure how a salami could be evil, as such. Maybe it's the way they use them - enemies and errant gang members are sexually assaulted with a large salami whenever they step out of line. Yes. that must be it.

Then again, I could be misreading it - the key phrase could actually be 'Evil Salami Drugs'. Perhaps it is about a gang dealing in salami-based drugs which has been jailed. Could it be that the police caught them in the act of peddling hallucinogenic salamis to punters? What better way to openly sell and consume drugs than to consume them in the form of a sausage? Not that I've ever heard of any type of salami having naturally hallucinogenic properties, like some mushrooms do. Perhaps they're laced with cocaine or LSD whilst they're being made. Could it be that the whole racket was blown after a drugged up salami accidentally ended up in the hands of a non-addict after some kind of mix-up? Did some old dear make a salami sandwich for her infirm husband, only to see him go on a sex rampage as a result? Mind you, if that had been the case, I would have expected to see headlines on the local paper concerning naked pensioners on zimmer-frame sex sprees. Perhaps they're saving that one for next week. Not that it would induce me to buy the paper. Not only is it a terrible rag, but if I was to read it, I would undoubtedly find that the actual story behind the salami headline was quite mundane. Which would disappoint me greatly. I much prefer my versions of it.