Britain's Got No Bloody Talent

I'm definitely getting old. The other day it was announced that a whole slew of night time specialist music DJs were to leave Radio One next year, whilst I actually knew who all of them were, the names of their replacements just sounded like gibberish to me. As far as I can make out Expand and Fart, DJ Saucepan and MC Gas Cooker will all be joining the station in 2012. Or perhaps I misheard. One of the other signs of my encroaching years is my increasing irritation at the continued presence on my TV and radio of people who simply won't accept that they've had their five minutes of fame and refuse to fuck off. You know who I'm talking about, all those sad deluded bastards who think that winning a 'talent' show or appearing on reality TV programmes somehow makes them worthy of interest. The problem is, of course, that they are utterly devoid of any talent or personality and have absolutely nothing of any interest to say.

Now, I know we haven't even had Christmas yet, but here's a suggestion for a New Year's resolution: let's all agree to stop encouraging these sad gits. If they're on TV, change channels. Likewise if they're on the radio. Don't buy any magazines featuring them. Don't buy any products they endorse. If we starve them of the oxygen of celebrity - attention - maybe they'll get the message and get proper jobs. Of course, it would help if the media itself would stop allowing these people to blight our airwaves. Let's face it, it's cruel to keep giving them hope that they might really be a celebrity despite their lack of any talent. A hint to Louis Spence here - mincing around and being professionally gay does not constitute artistic talent. Just because Graham Norton has been getting away with it for years doesn't mean that anyone can build a career on it, (charisma and a degree of wit helps). So, please could we all make a concerted effort to rid ourselves of these empty-headed wannabes who contribute nothing of artistic merit to our popular culture.