Naked Fear

I saw another of those misleading headlines the other day. This time it was on Ceefax: 'Family rescued from nudist beach'. For me, it conjured up nightmare visions of a party of lost holidaymakers, standing atop a sand dune, trying to fend off hordes of ferocious naturists. In my mind's eye I could see the terrified expressions on the children's faces, as their mother desperately tries to shield them from the depredations of a pack of naked penises, whilst their father attempts to hold some bared breasts at bay with a piece of driftwood. Just in the nick of time, I imagined, they were hoisted to safety by a rescue helicopter, nude hairy arses snapping at their heels. Sadly, of course, the actual story, when I read it, was mundane - a family's boat had run aground and been beached on a remote naturist beach, and they had to be taken off by a lifeboat.

However, the title fascinates, conveying a clear sub-text that nudist beaches, and by extension unclothed human bodies, are somehow a threat. Why else, after all, would anyone need to be 'rescued' from them? I find it astounding that, in this supposedly permissive era, the popular press in the UK still finds the very concept of nudity intimidating. Apparently, it's OK to have topless models on Page Three and bared breasts, bums and simulated sex in TV dramas, but the idea of normal people getting their wangs out it still repulsive. As regular readers know, I'm not a great fan of naturism - I'm firmly of the belief that, for aesthetic reasons if nothing else, most human bodies (mine included) should be kept covered up. That said, I really don't find the concept of naked genitalia offensive, per se. I just think there's a time and a place for it - nudist beaches being one of them. Consequently, being shipwrecked on one shouldn't be treated as being akin to being washed up on a cannibal-infested uncharted island!