More Funerals and a Wedding

My late father once told me that funerals were preferable to weddings because at least at a funeral you don't have to pretend to be enjoying yourself. Wise words and advice that I've followed ever since. Whilst I avoid weddings like the plague, I never miss a funeral if I can help it. Obviously, I don't just attend funerals at random, you understand. You won't find me scanning the deaths column of the local paper looking for likely funerals to attend. I only go to the ones where I actually have some connection to the deceased. Sadly, I'm at an age now where there seems to be no shortage of such occasions. Only today I was at a family funeral. It was a lovely sunny day at the crematorium - even funerals seem a bit more upbeat when the sun is out, I find. Anyway, a word of advice if you are attending a funeral at a crematorium in the near future - don't say "Good news from the Vatican" when you see smoke coming out of the chimney. Some people can get very upset at that sort of thing.

As I refuse to attend weddings, funerals are just about the only time I see some of the more obscure branches of my family these days. I'm never sure if that's a good thing or not. I find that you spend at least an hour at the after-funeral bash circling warily around each other, trying to work out who everyone is , how you are related and wondering if you've inadvertently turned up at the wrong funeral. Luckily, I was at the right one today. Although I'm still none the wiser as to half the other attendees were. Maybe they'd come to the wrong funeral. Who knows. It's certainly preferable to going to the wrong wedding - it's bad enough having to put up with people you know engaging in false jollity, let alone with a bunch of complete strangers. Oh, and another word of advice: if you do find yourself at the wrong wedding and, even worse, find yourself mistaken for the best man, don't toast the bride by cracking a bottle of champagne across her buttocks and saying "God Bless her and all who sail in her". Some people can get very upset at that sort of thing.