Old News

I'm afraid that, right now, I'm running on empty.  I have stuff going on in the real world I have to deal with, so I'm pretty much out of creative inspiration, even if I had time to develop any ideas.  So, rather than skip today's post entirely, I dug this out of an old memory stick - it was the script for what was, essentially, a precursor to my current podcasts, (I actually re-used part of it, heavily revised, in the most recent podcast).  Anyway, it shows its age with its political and pop culture references, but I still like it.  So here's some (very) old news: 

"Bill slapped my buttocks like a pair of bongo drums all night long," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has told the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee, in answer to questions about her recent official visit to Africa.  She denied press allegations that the frenzied rhythm of the former President's buttock bashing had instigated a tribal uprising in Uganda, when it was mistaken for the sound of war drums.   

Meanwhile, back in the UK it has been categorically denied that former Prime Minister Tony Blair had ever held talks with President Bush to establish an international agency aimed at the early detection of lesbianism in famous women.  Alarmed by the number of favourite celebrity pin-ups who had turned gay in recent years - including Ellen De Generes, k d lang and Samantha Fox - Tony Blair had been said to have been considering using the combined intelligence resources of the West to monitor his other favourite actresses and entertainers for signs of impending lesbianism.  "At no time was it suggested that satellite imagery, communications intercepts or close surveillance be used to see if Jodie Foster or Callista Flockheart had taken to wearing comfortable shoes," said a spokesman for Mr Blair.

Finally, X-Factor judge and N Dubz singer Tulisa Contostavlos has apologised to fans for not looking as hot naked as they might have thought she would after an illicit sex video featuring her was released onto the web.  "I know my fans probably had higher expectations for my knockers," she told a press conference.  "And I am sorry to have shattered their masturbatory fantasies by having a disappointingly ordinary pair."  However, X-Factor producer Simon Cowell has said that the tape will not affect Tulisa's role in the show.  "Despite the criticism of them, I'm convinced that her gazonkas will put at least two million on the viewing figures for the next series," he declared.  "Everyone at home will want to compare her cleavage with what they've seen on their lap tops.  Hopefully they'll divert attention from the dire acts we feature every week."

You never know, having used part of it recently, I might be able to rework the rest of it sometime in the foreseeable future.  Hopefully, I'll be able to start getting back to something like a regular schedule next week.