Monday, January 16, 2017

Extreme Breast Feeding

The release of another XXX film, (starring Vin Diesel, thank God, rather than Ice Cube, a man permanently looks as if he's either angry or constipated, possibly both, as the second one did), left me thinking about the whole 'extreme sports' thing, which was big way back when the first film in the series was released.  It just doesn't seem as big any more - maybe it is a case of familiarity breeding contempt.  After all, stuff doesn't extreme after you've seen it dome over and over again. On the contrary, it becomes routine.  Which is probably why, at one time, they started coming up with stuff like 'Extreme Ironing', which involved people climbing mountains, setting up ironing boards on dangerous ledges before proceeding to iron their shirts.  Yes, really.  I'm not making this up.  Clearly an attempt to make extreme sports seem even more extreme, the problem with this is that ironing is simply boring.  Whether you do it on a mountain ledge or in your living room, it's dull.  That said, the underlying idea - of making an everyday activity extreme in order to broaden the popularity of extreme sports - is perfectly sound.  They just needed to pick a different activity, one which, unlike ironing, could be combined with a variety of extreme sports.

Which is where extreme breast feeding comes in.  Now, before you condemn the idea, just think about it - from a broadcaster's point of view it has numerous attractions.  Not least that they could argue that it is showcasing female athletes (unless they can find some lactating men) - women's sports are notoriously poorly served by TV.  Moreover, they can play the public service card by saying that they are encouraging breast feeding by making it appear more glamourous and exciting, whilst, at the same time, giving them a legitimate reason for showing bare breasts, thereby catering to the sexist lad segment of the TV audience.  Surely that would be unique?  Sports programming that appeals to both feminists and pimply sex-starved teenage boys.  Anyway, as I said, it could cover the full gamut of extreme sports.  Not only could you have women breast feeding their babies half way up a mountain, but they could also do it whilst white water canoeing, (it would be bloody difficult to set an ironing board up on a canoe), or even hang gliding.  Sure, there are bound to be people claiming that extreme breast feeding would be dangerous for the participants' babies.  But babies are resilient, you can drop them a few times without doing any real harm, (or so I'm told).  I mean, surely exposing some babies to a bit of risk is worth it if it means that you can glorify the institution of motherhood?  

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